Ask a Tacoma Therapist: What Does Therapy for Imposter Syndrome Actually Look Like?

Imposter syndrome affects many high-achievers, especially women.

How Imposter Syndrome Shows Up in Real Life

Imposter syndrome isn’t just a passing thought of self-doubt. It tends to show up in patterns that can feel hard to break, even when things are going well on the outside.

You might notice things like:

• Overworking to prove yourself

• Brushing off compliments or minimizing your success

• Feeling anxious before meetings, feedback, or new opportunities

• A constant fear that someone is going to “figure out” you don’t belong

The clients I work with are thoughtful, capable, and self-aware. They know they’re doing well. But it doesn’t feel that way internally.

That gap—between what you know and what you feel—is often where therapy can help.

What Happens in the First Few Sessions

One of the biggest misconceptions about therapy is that you’re expected to show up and immediately explain everything clearly and perfectly.

That’s not how it works.

Working with a therapist in Tacoma (or anywhere, really) usually starts with something much simpler: getting to know you.

In the first couple of sessions, we might talk about:

• What’s been weighing on you lately

• Situations where imposter syndrome shows up

• How you tend to respond when those feelings hit

• What you’re hoping might feel different

You don’t need to have the “right words.” You don’t need to organize your story ahead of time. Part of the process is figuring it out together.

And just as important—you get a sense of whether the therapist feels like a good fit for you.

Talking vs. Processing: Different Ways Therapy Can Help

A lot of people picture therapy as just talking things through. And sometimes, that’s a meaningful part of the work.

Talk therapy alone isn’t often enough. Body-based therapies like brainspotting help create deeper, more lasting change.

Putting words to your experience can:

• Help you notice patterns

• Make sense of where things come from

• Challenge some of the beliefs that keep imposter syndrome in place

But insight alone doesn’t always shift the feeling.

You can understand, logically, that you’re competent… and still feel like a fraud in the moment.

That’s where other approaches come in—especially ones that work with the nervous system, not just thoughts.

How Brainspotting Therapy Can Help with Imposter Syndrome

Brainspotting therapy is one of the approaches I use because it helps access the deeper layers of these patterns—the ones that don’t always respond to logic.

Without getting too technical, brainspotting works with the connection between where you look, what you feel in your body, and how your brain processes experience.

Imposter syndrome often isn’t just a thought like “I’m not good enough.”
It can show up as:

• A tight feeling in your chest before speaking up

• A wave of anxiety when you’re being evaluated

• An urge to shut down, avoid, or overprepare

Brainspotting helps you stay with those internal experiences in a supported way so your brain can begin to process them differently.

Over time, that can lead to:

• Less intensity in those moments

• More ability to stay grounded under pressure

• A shift in how you relate to yourself

Brainspotting therapy works deep within the brain to help you feel transformed beyond just knowing something cognitively. It helps you live out that change, both in how you feel in your body, and how you behave in your life.

What Progress Actually Looks Like (It’s Not Perfection)

A lot of people come into therapy hoping to get rid of imposter syndrome completely.

What usually happens instead is something more realistic—and more sustainable.

Progress might look like:

• Not spiraling as quickly after a mistake

• Being able to accept positive feedback without immediately dismissing it

• Taking action even when self-doubt is still there

• Feeling a little more settled in your own skin

The thoughts might not disappear overnight. But your relationship to them starts to change.

How to Know If You’re Ready for Therapy

There’s no perfect moment to start therapy.

But you might consider it if:

• You’re tired of feeling stuck in the same patterns

• Self-doubt is affecting your work or relationships

• You’re constantly second-guessing yourself

• You want things to feel different, but aren’t sure how to get there

You don’t have to wait until things feel unbearable. A lot of people start therapy simply because they don’t want to keep living this way.

If you’re exploring therapy in Tacoma, it’s okay to take your time, ask questions, and find someone who feels like a good fit.

You Don’t Have to Keep Carrying This Alone

Imposter syndrome can be surprisingly isolating. From the outside, it often looks like everything is going fine—which makes it even harder to talk about.

Therapy gives you a space where you don’t have to perform, prove, or hold it all together.

If you’re curious about working with a therapist in Tacoma, or want to learn more about approaches like brainspotting therapy, you’re welcome to reach out or explore more here:

→ Article: Is Imposter Syndrome a Confidence Problem?
→ What is brainspotting therapy and how can it help me?

You don’t have to have it all figured out before you start. Call today, and I’d love to tell you more about brainspotting therapy in Tacoma can help you and see if we’re a good fit.

about the author

Kate Hagborg, LMHC is a therapist in Tacoma, WA who helps people break free from imposter syndrome.

Kate Hagborg is a therapist in Tacoma who works with thoughtful, high-achieving adults navigating anxiety, imposter syndrome, and that constant feeling of not quite being enough. My approach is practical, compassionate, and grounded in real life. I offer therapy in Tacoma using a mix of talk therapy and brainspotting therapy to help you feel more steady, confident, and like yourself again.

Ask a Tacoma Therapist: Is Imposter Syndrome A Confidence Problem?

If you’ve ever been praised for something and immediately thought, “If they really knew me, they wouldn’t say that,” you’re not alone.

If you’ve ever reached a milestone and felt anxiety instead of pride…
If you’ve ever stayed up late rechecking something you already did well…
If you’ve ever felt like success increased the pressure instead of easing it…

Then you’ve probably experienced imposter syndrome.

Imposter syndrome disproportionately affects high-achieving women, especially women who are thoughtful, capable, and deeply committed to doing things well. As a therapist in Tacoma working primarily with professional women, I hear some version of this almost every week. On paper, everything looks impressive, but internally, there is self-doubt. A quiet fear of being exposed. A sense of “I have to keep proving myself.”

But what I’d like to suggest to you is that imposter syndrome is usually not a confidence problem, but rather a nervous system response to visibility.

What Is Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter syndrome was first identified in 1978 by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes while studying high-achieving women. Originally called the Imposter Phenomenon, it describes persistent self-doubt despite clear evidence of competence.

Common signs include:

• Discounting accomplishments

• Attributing success to luck or timing

• Over-preparing or overworking

• Anxiety after praise

• Fear of being “found out”

• Difficulty fully receiving positive feedback

Research suggests that up to 70 percent of people experience imposter syndrome at some point. It tends to show up most strongly in women navigating leadership, professional growth, entrepreneurship, or high-responsibility roles. It also shows up in our personal lives, such as in parenting or relationships.

Even Maya Angelou, who published 11 books, won multiple Grammys, and was a Pulitzer-prize winning poet suffered from imposter syndrome. She once said:

“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, uh oh, they’re going to find out now.”

Extraordinary accomplishment does not automatically quiet self-doubt. Countless women who have experienced undisputed success in all walks of life can still quietly suffer from it.

Because imposter syndrome isn’t about being good enough, but is a response to threat of visibility. And often the more successful you are, the visibility you experience.

Why Imposter Syndrome Disproportionately Affects Women

Imposter syndrome does not develop in isolation. Many women grow up absorbing subtle and not-so-subtle messages:

America Ferrara’s monologue from the Barbie Movie is an excellent example of the pressure on women and why imposter syndrome affects us disproportionately

• Be capable, but do not intimidate

• Be confident, but stay likable

• Achieve, but do not take up too much space

Over time, these messages settle into the nervous system.

Layer in workplace inequities, underrepresentation in leadership, and heightened scrutiny around mistakes, and your body begins to associate visibility with risk.

From a biological standpoint, your nervous system prioritizes safety over accuracy. It is not primarily concerned with whether you are competent. It is scanning for threat.

• If being seen once led to criticism…

• If standing out created pressure…

• If praise was followed by higher expectations…

Your body remembers these experiences, even if your adult mind knows you earned your success. Which is why mindset work alone, and simply trying to “think more highly of yourself,” often does not resolve imposter syndrome.

Why “Just Be More Confident” Does Not Work

You can logically know:

• You are qualified

• You worked hard

• You earned your position

• You are doing your best

And still feel:

• Tightness in your chest before speaking

• An urge to overwork after being recognized

• Anxiety when your name is called

• A need to prove yourself again

• Negative comparison when you stack yourself up to others

• Nagging self-doubt that never fully goes away

Imposter syndrome is rarely just a thinking error. More deeply, it’s part of a protective nervous system pattern.

The body says:

• “If I stay vigilant, I will stay safe.”

• “If I do not relax, I will not be exposed.”

• “If I brace, I will not be blindsided.”

Previously, that vigilance likely helped you succeed up to a point. But now it just tortures you, robbing your peace and chipping away at your confidence and allowing yourself to be seen.

A Nervous System Lens on Imposter Syndrome

Clinically, imposter syndrome is often described as a fear of exposure. We are afraid to be fully seen and evaluated. From a nervous system perspective, the question underneath is simpler: “Is it safe for me to be visible here?”

You may be more likely to experience imposter syndrome if you have certain types of attachment trauma from growing up, such as:

• If love or approval felt tied to performance…

• If mistakes carried emotional consequences…

• If attention meant pressure rather than celebration…

You also are more likely to experience imposter syndome if:

• You are a minority

• You have a trauma history where hyper-vigilance kept you safe

• You work in a male-dominated field

When we recognize this, we can also see that imposter syndrome is not a character flaw. It is adaptive learning to true threats you’ve experienced. Along the way, your nervous system learned, “Staying small feels safer than being seen.”

Five Nervous System Patterns I See in Women With Imposter Syndrome

Here are five patterns I often see in therapy with women navigating imposter syndrome. Perhaps you see yourself in one or multiple of these patterns.

1. The Hyper-Vigilant Achiever

• She succeeds by staying one step ahead.

• She double-checks everything.

• She anticipates problems.

• She rarely feels fully finished.

• Relaxation feels vulnerable.

• Letting down her guard feels risky.

2. The Performance-Anchored Woman

• Her sense of stability is tied to output.

• If she performs well, she feels temporarily grounded.

• If she stumbles, her confidence drops quickly.

• Praise brings relief, but also brings pressure.

3. The Invisible Competent One

• She is deeply capable but minimizes herself.

• She avoids the spotlight.

• She downplays her strengths.

• She deflects recognition.

• Staying small feels safer than being evaluated.

4. The Shame-Sensitive Leader

• She may be in leadership, yet mistakes feel disproportionately heavy.

• Negative feedback lingers.

• Conversations replay at night.

• Small missteps feel amplified internally.

• Her nervous system reacts strongly to evaluation.

5. The Attachment-Driven Overfunctioner

• She learned early that stability came from being responsible or impressive.

• She anticipates needs.

• She overextends.

• She rarely asks for help.

• Success does not feel celebratory, but necessary.

These patterns are not personality defects. They are survival strategies that once made sense. The only problem is, these strategies are holding you back, and you’re not sure what to do to change it.

How Brainspotting Therapy Can Help

Because imposter syndrome often lives in the nervous system, approaches that work directly with the body can be especially effective. Brainspotting therapy is a trauma-informed, brain-and-body-based method that helps process stored survival responses rather than only reframing thoughts.

Brainspotting is grounded in the understanding that:

• Emotional learning is stored in deeper brain regions

• Survival responses can persist long after they are needed

• Eye position can help access neural networks connected to unresolved experiences

In sessions, we work with the physical sensations and emotions that come up for you related to visibility, performance, evaluation, and success. We are not trying to convince you that you are competent. We are helping your nervous system release the high-attunement to threat that formed around being seen.

In my therapy practice in Tacoma, women often begin to notice:

• Less anxiety before presentations

• A greater ability to receive praise

• Reduced perfectionism

• More sustainable ambition

• A steadier sense of self-trust

• More peace and self-assuredness in their parenting and relationships

• More willingness to “put themselves out there”

Brainspotting therapy in Tacoma can be particularly supportive for women who feel stuck in high-achieving survival mode. Confidence begins to feel less like something you manufacture and more like something that naturally emerges.

Gentle Ways to Begin Shifting Imposter Syndrome

You do not have to overhaul your personality to begin shifting this pattern. You can start in small ways, such as":

1. Separate Feelings From Facts

• The feeling of being a fraud is not proof that you are one.

• Start labeling the physical sensations and emotions as “imposter syndrome” when they rise up.

2. Notice When Visibility Activates You

Pay attention to moments such as:

• Sending a proposal

• Receiving public praise

• Being promoted

• Speaking in a meeting

• What comes up in groups of other parents

• Feelings and sensations when scrolling social media

Notice what happens in your body without judging it. Just observe how visibility, success, and comparison may be triggering a protective response inside of you.

3. Practice Letting Success Land

• When someone compliments you, pause.

• Take one full breath before responding.

• Consider just saying, “Thank you,” instead of deflecting or discounting.

• Let your nervous system register the experience of being seen without immediate correction or deflection.

• Over time, notice how this shifts as you make this a habit.

When to Consider Therapy for Imposter Syndrome

You might consider working with a brainspotting therapist in Tacoma, WA if:

• Self-doubt is limiting opportunities

• Overworking feels compulsive

• Praise consistently feels uncomfortable

• You struggle to enjoy your accomplishments

• Perfectionism is affecting your health or relationships

Therapy is not about trying harder. It is about helping your nervous system feel safe enough to inhabit the success you already earned. If you are seeking therapy in Tacoma for imposter syndrome, working with a Tacoma therapist trained in nervous system approaches can make a meaningful difference.

You Do Not Need to Fix Yourself

Imposter syndrome does not mean you are behind, broken, or secretly incapable.

It often means your nervous system learned strategies that helped you survive and succeed. Those strategies may no longer be necessary in the same way.

You do not have to outperform your nervous system. You can learn to feel safe being seen.

About the Author

Kate Hagborg, LMHC is a certified brainspotting therapist in Tacoma, WA. She offers sessions in-person therapy sessions in Tacoma, WA, or virtual therapy sessions in WA state.

I integrate brainspotting and somatic work with a trauma-informed, relational, and spiritually-sensitive lens. You can learn more about my approach here. My other specialities include anxiety, burnout, codependency, and people-pleasing.

If you're curious about brainspotting therapy in Tacoma, WA, I invite you to reach out for a free 15-minute consultation. I’d love to talk with you about whether this approach might be a good fit for your healing journey.

Ask a Therapist In Tacoma: How to Get Better Sleep

If you told yourself this was the year you’d finally get better sleep—go to bed earlier, stop scrolling, wake up feeling like a functional human—you’re not alone. And if that plan already feels a little derailed, you’re also very much not alone.

As a therapist in Tacoma, I work with a lot of thoughtful, capable people who are frustrated by sleep. They’re doing the right things, reading the articles, trying the tips—and still lying awake at night wondering why their brain won’t shut off. Most of the time, the problem isn’t effort. It’s that sleep is tied to your nervous system, your stress load, and how safe your body feels when everything finally gets quiet.

Let’s talk about sleep hygiene in a way that feels human, flexible, and actually doable—without turning bedtime into another self-improvement project.

Why Better Sleep Starts With Predictability (Not Perfection)

A lot of people assume better sleep means hitting the “right” number of hours every single night. In reality, your brain cares much more about rhythm than totals.

Consistent sleep and wake times help retrain your internal clock, even when some nights are short or restless. Trying to make up for lost sleep by sleeping in usually feels good in the moment—but it often makes the next night harder. Predictability builds safety, and safety is what sleep needs most.

Sleep Hygiene Tips That Calm Your Nervous System (Not Stress It Out)

1. Prioritize a Consistent Wake-Up Time

If sleep has been rocky, this is the single most important place to start.

Waking up at roughly the same time every day helps anchor your circadian rhythm and gives your body a reliable signal about when the day begins. Sleeping in after a rough night is understandable—but it can keep your sleep-wake cycle stuck.

Think of this as playing the long game. You’re teaching your body what to expect, not punishing it for a bad night.

Try to keep this consistent wake up time on the weekend too for best results.

2. Get Morning Sunlight (Yes, Even on Cloudy Days)

Morning light tells your brain, “This is daytime,” which helps melatonin arrive at night.

• Clear/sunny days: Aim for 5–10 minutes outside

• Cloudy days: Aim for 15–30 minutes

• No sunglasses if it’s comfortable for your eyes

This could look like taking your dog for a morning walk, drinking your coffee on the porch, or standing near a bright window if going outside isn’t possible.

Stanford neuroscientist and podcaster Dr. Andrew Huberman has shared extensively on the benefits of morning sunlight for sleep and and general health and you can read more about his science-backed recommendations here.

3. Stop Clock-Watching When You Wake Up at Night

This one is deceptively important.

The moment you check the time, your brain tends to launch into calculations and predictions: “If I fall asleep right now, I’ll only get…” That mental math activates stress—and stress is the opposite of what sleep needs.

If you can, turn the clock away or keep your phone out of reach. Gently remind yourself that knowing the time won’t help you sleep—and not knowing might actually help.

4. Use Supportive Self-Talk When Insomnia Hits

What you say to yourself in the middle of the night can either settle your nervous system or wind it up further.

Instead of thoughts like “I’ll never fall asleep” or “Tomorrow is ruined,” try language that keeps things grounded:

• “My body knows how to rest, even if sleep is lighter tonight.”

• “I’ve handled tired days before.”

• “This is uncomfortable, but I’ll be alright.”

These aren’t positive affirmations. They’re reminders that lower the sense of threat—which often helps sleep return on its own.

5. Don’t Try to Force Sleep

Sleep happens when your nervous system feels safe—not pressured.

The harder you try to make sleep happen, the more alert your body often becomes. If you’ve been awake for a while and feel tense or frustrated, it’s okay to get out of bed and do something low-key in dim light.

Experts recommend trying to fall back asleep for around 20 minutes if you wake up. If after that time you can’t fall back asleep, it can be helpful to get up. Staying in bed longer may reinforce sleeplessness. If you do get up, go into another room and do a boring activity like read a book, do breathing exercises or meditation, or try a puzzle like Sudoku until you feel drowsy.

Do not get on your phone, watch TV or engage with screens or bright lights, and don’t do an activity that is too stimulating. And don’t eat or drink anything except water. For more tips, check out this article from webmd.com.

The goal isn’t to distract yourself endlessly—it’s to remove pressure and let sleep come back naturally.

6. Create a Wind-Down Cue, Not a Perfect Routine

You don’t need an elaborate nighttime routine to sleep well.

One or two repeatable cues—lowering the lights, a cup of tea, stretching, a book, calming music, or a warm bath—can be enough to signal that the day is winding down. Simple habits that you actually stick with are far more effective than perfect routines you abandon after a week.

7. Watch Out for Sleep Tracker Obsession

Sleep trackers can be helpful—but they can also create anxiety.

"Orthosomnia is an unhealthy or excessive concern with achieving the perfect sleep," says Sabra M. Abbott, MD, PhD, a neurologist and sleep medicine expert at Northwestern Medicine who helped coin the term (How Tracking Your Sleep Can Make You Lose Sleep, NorthwesternMedicine.com)

If you notice yourself worrying about your sleep score, second-guessing how rested you feel, or feeling discouraged by the data on your watch, it may be doing more harm than good. Your body’s experience matters more than what an app reports.

Sometimes sleeping better starts with checking less.

8. Be Mindful of Caffeine Timing

Caffeine can linger in the system for 6–8 hours (or longer for some people).

If sleep is a struggle, experiment with cutting caffeine earlier in the day and notice—not judge—the difference.

Try a caffeine curfew of 2pm or earlier and adjust from there.

9. Regulate Stress During the Day

Nighttime is when unprocessed stress shows up.

Short daytime resets help:

• Brief walks

• Deep breathing

• Stretching

• Stepping away from screens

Calm doesn’t start at bedtime—it builds throughout the day. Check out this blog I wrote about nervous system regulating exercises you can try throughout your day.

10. Get Thoughts Out of Your Head Before Bed

A simple brain dump can reduce nighttime rumination. Multiple studies have shown that making a to-do list for your tasks tomorrow can promote faster and more restful sleep (Psychology Today).

Grab a journal and allow yourself to free-write, make a list, mind-map, doodle, or whatever you need to do to get your thoughts down on paper.

Write down anything that feels unfinished, stressful, or easy to forget. You’re not solving it—you’re giving your brain permission to rest by showing it the information is stored somewhere safe.

11. When Sleep Feels Stuck, Brainspotting Can Help

Sometimes sleep doesn’t improve even when habits are solid.

In those cases, the issue often isn’t sleep itself—it’s underlying nervous system activation. Brainspotting therapy works by helping the brain and body process stress, anxiety, or trauma that can keep you feeling wired at night.

As a therapist in Tacoma, I use Brainspotting with clients who experience racing thoughts, nighttime anxiety, or chronic insomnia. When the nervous system settles, sleep often becomes easier—without forcing or overthinking it.

If Sleep Is Still Hard, You’re Not Doing It Wrong

Better sleep isn’t about control—it’s about safety, predictability, and compassion.

Small, consistent shifts—paired with compassion and the right support—tend to go much further than rigid rules.

And if sleep continues to feel elusive, working with a therapist in Tacoma who understands sleep and nervous system regulation can help you rest without turning bedtime into another source of stress.

Ask a Therapist in Tacoma: How to set Goals that actually stick

Why Your New Year’s Resolution Ghosted You

Tips from a therapist in Tacoma about setting goals that actually stick.

January is full of optimism. New planners. New gym memberships. New versions of ourselves who definitely wake up at 5 a.m. and love green smoothies.

And then… February hits.

The planner is abandoned. The gym bag is in your trunk judging you. And your New Year’s resolution quietly disappears without explanation.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not lazy or broken. You’re just human—and probably setting goals the way most people do. As a therapist in Tacoma, I see this all the time. The problem usually isn’t motivation. It’s how the goal was designed in the first place.

Let’s talk about the difference between resolutions that fizzle out and goals that actually change your life—using best practices from one of my all-time favorite books, Atomic Habits by James Clear, plus a therapeutic lens (including Brainspotting therapy) to help you turn those January resolutions into lifelong lifestyles.

The Problem With New Year’s Resolutions

Most resolutions fail because they’re:

• Too vague (“I want to be healthier”)

• Too grand (“I’m going to completely reinvent myself”)

• Too disconnected from daily life

• Based on shame instead of values

They rely on willpower, which is a limited resource—especially if you’re already managing stress, trauma, anxiety, parenting, work, or all of the above.

A goal that only works when you feel motivated is not a sustainable goal.

The 1% Rule: Small Changes, Big Identity Shifts

To read more about how tiny changes lead to huge life transformation, check out the book Atomic Habits by James Clear.

One of the most powerful ideas from Atomic Habits is this: getting 1% better every day compounds over time.

You don’t need to overhaul your life. You need to make the smallest possible change that you can repeat.

Instead of:

“I’m going to work out for an hour, five days a week”

Try:

“I’ll do 5 pushups every time I get up from my desk for a break.”

That might not sound impressive, but consistency beats intensity every time. Small habits don’t rely on hype—they rely on reality.

As a therapist in Tacoma, I can tell you this: the goals that stick are the ones that fit into your actual nervous system capacity.

Stop Setting Goals That Are Too Grand

Big goals aren’t bad—but skipping the middle steps is.

Your brain doesn’t resist change because it’s stubborn. It resists because massive goals feel unsafe, overwhelming, or impossible. When a goal feels threatening, your nervous system steps in with procrastination, avoidance, or self-sabotage.

Instead of focusing on the end result, ask:

• What does the next smallest version of this goal look like?

• What would “showing up imperfectly” look like?

For example, if you’re trying to write a book, let’s say ideally you’d love to write for an hour a day. The only problem is that you rarely have a full hour to devote to writing. And when you don’t, you tend to do nothing. “Oh well, I’ll write tomorrow.” THat’s a sure fire way to never finish your book.

Instead, lower the bar. Try this: “I’ll write one sentence every day.” Pretty soon, you’ve show up for one sentence but it easily turns into 100 words, then a page, then a chapter. Little consistent wins stack up.

Progress doesn’t come from pressure. It comes from approachability. Try lowering the bar—it’s not cheating, it’s effective goal setting.

Plan the Time and Place (This Is a big one!)

“I’ll do it sometime this week” is not a plan.

James Clear emphasizes that habits stick when you decide when and where they’ll happen. This removes decision fatigue and reduces the mental friction that leads to avoidance.

Try this formula:

“I will [habit] at [time] in [location].”

For example:

• “I’ll journal for 3 minutes at 8:30 p.m. on the couch.”

• “I’ll stretch for 5 minutes right after I shut down my laptop.”

Motivation is unreliable. Structure is not.

Habit Stacking: Let Your Existing Routines Do the Work

Connecting a new habit to an existing one is one of the most effective strategies for building a new routine.

Habit stacking means attaching a new habit to something you already do automatically.

Examples:

• Before I drink my morning coffee, I drink one glass of water.

• After I brush my teeth, I do 10 squats.

• After I get into bed, I write one sentence in my journal.

You don’t need more discipline. You need better placement.

The “Never Miss Two Days in a Row” Rule

Perfection is the fastest way to quit.

Missing a day is normal. Missing two days is how habits quietly die.

This rule builds self-trust and flexibility at the same time. You don’t spiral into “I already failed, so what’s the point?” thinking. You just gently get back on track.

Consistency is not about never messing up. It’s a chance to learn from what went wrong, make changes, and picking it back up tomorrow.

When Goals Trigger Resistance: Where Brainspotting Comes In

Sometimes your resistance to a goal isn’t about time management—it’s about what the goal represents.

Therapy can help you identify areas of resistance, overcome obstacles, and hold you accountable to being your best self.

Common blocks I see as a therapist in Tacoma include:

• Fear of failure or success

• Old beliefs like “I don’t follow through”

• Trauma stored in the body that makes change feel unsafe

• Identity conflicts (“Who am I if I actually do this?”)

Brainspotting works directly with the nervous system to help process these deeper blocks. Instead of trying to “push through” resistance, Brainspotting allows your brain and body to resolve what’s underneath it.

Clients often notice:

• Less avoidance

• More clarity

• A shift from self-criticism to self-trust

• A felt sense of becoming the version of themselves they’re working toward

Goal setting isn’t just cognitive. It’s physiological.

From Resolution to Self-Actualization

The most sustainable goals aren’t about fixing yourself—they’re about becoming more of who you already are.

When you:

• Make goals small enough to be doable

• Attach them to your real life

• Work with your nervous system instead of against it

• Address internal blocks with tools like Brainspotting

…you stop relying on January motivation and start building identity-based change that lasts the long-haul.

your friendly neighborhood therapist in Tacoma is here to help.

If your resolutions haven’t worked in the past, that’s information—not a character flaw. With better systems, realistic expectations, and support for what’s happening beneath the surface, change becomes less exhausting and more natural.

If you’re curious about exploring goals, habits, or resistance patterns in therapy, working with a therapist in Tacoma who integrates Brainspotting can help you move forward in a way that actually feels sustainable.

Tips from a Therapist in Tacoma, WA: How to recover after doomscrolling

We’ve all been there: one minute you’re checking the news “for just a second,” and the next thing you know, you’re 40 minutes deep into doomscrolling, your shoulders are in your ears, and your brain feels like it’s sprinting a marathon it never signed up for.

If you’ve ever wondered why doomscrolling leaves you feeling anxious, depleted, or disconnected, here’s the quick explanation: your nervous system thinks the danger is happening to you right now. Even though you’re just staring at your phone, your body responds as if you’re on the front lines of every crisis you read about.

According to an article from Harvard Health:

“Doomscrolling is rooted in our brain's limbic system — often referred to as the lizard or reptilian brain — that's dominated by a structure called the amygdala. It promotes self-preservation and drives the fight-or-flight response to danger, fueling us to troll for threats.

"Stress stokes our primary urge to scroll," she says. "We're hypervigilant and scanning for danger. The more you scroll, the more you feel you need to."

When you catch yourself doomscrolling

We all know we need to cut back on our digital obsession. We need to put the phone down. We need to use apps like Freedom or devices like Brick to limit phone usage or time on socials. We need to be off devices first thing in the morning or before bed. But no matter how much good advice we get about disconnecting, we’re all guilty of succumbing to the dreaded doomscroll. And when that time comes, here are some tips about what to do about it.

I don’t think anyone has come up for air after a doomscrolling session and actually felt better about their life. If anything, snapping out of it feels like waking up from a really disorienting nightmare. Again, Harvard Health talks about the “popcorn brain effect":

“On a practical level, Dr. Nerurkar says, doomscrolling can give us "popcorn brain," which happens when we spend too much time online. "It's the real, biological phenomenon of feeling your brain is popping because you're being overstimulated online," she explains. "Then it's hard to engage with the real world, which moves at a much slower pace."

As a therapist in Tacoma, WA who works with clients navigating stress, overwhelm, and digital burnout, here are some practical grounding and somatic tools that can help reset the nervous system after a doomscrolling spiral.

Here are several simple, effective exercises you can do anytime you notice that you're stuck scrolling and feeling worse afterwards.

Set a “Re-Entry Ritual”

Choose one small thing you do every time you put down your phone after doomscrolling.
Examples:

• Say out loud, “I’m back”

• Stretch your arms overhead

• Take a sip of water

• Step outside for one deep breath

This signals to your brain that you’re shifting out of consumption mode and back into your real life.

Getting outside can be particularly powerful. A short walk around the block, or at least stepping outside for some fresh air can be a full-body reset that really helps change the channel in your brain after the numbing effects of doomscrolling.

Shake It Out (Literally)

Animals naturally shake after stress; humans tend to just store the tension.
Stand up and shake your hands, arms, legs, shoulders—whatever feels right—for at least 10–15 seconds.
This discharges excess adrenaline and softens that wired, buzzing feeling doomscrolling can create.

tapping and humming

Similarly, you can use your hands to pat or slap yourself comfortably all over your body. This tactile activation can feel soothing and help get you back in your body after a bout of doomscrolling. Notice what pressure feels good to you—light, or a little more forceful.

You can also pair it with humming. You can make a “voooooo” sound as you tap around your torso, or on your arms, etc. The vibration of the humming is stimulating for your vagus nerve, which runs from your brain down to your belly.

Squeezing or brushing the body

Another technique involves using your hands to gently squeeze different parts of your body briefly. Giving a quick squeeze to your arms, along your legs, to parts of your torso, glutes, etc. is another way of releasing energy and getting more present in your body.

In addition, you can use your hands to brush across your skin in a similar method. As if you’re brushing leaves off your clothes or something, do this all across your limbs and trunk.

Notice as you tap, hum, squeeze, and brush how these different movements feel to your body. The gentle pressure should feel grounding and pleasant. You can also have a partner do these actions to you as well.

arm swings with exhales

After doing the tapping, squeezing, and brushing exercises, you can try simultaneously raising your arms above your head, and swinging them down together in unison by your sides, while breathing out a forceful exhale. Inhale as you bring your arms up again, and then exhale as you swing them down quickly to your sides. Repeat this 8-10 times.

See these somatic exercises in action

To see all of these practices strung together, check out this video from Johns Hopkins Medicine about how to use these somatic exercises to get your brain out of the functional-freeze-state of doomscrolling and get your body more regulated. The exercises start at minute 3:57 in the video.

This video from Johns Hopkins Medicine shows a few somatic exercises grouped together than can help you regulate your nervous system after doomscrolling

Here’s a list of more somatic exercises that with emotional regulation that you can try from Johns Hopkins Medicine:

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/office-of-well-being/connection-support/somatic-self-care#shorts

The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding Reset

A quick grounding technique that brings you back to the present moment.

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can touch

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste

This moves your attention out of digital stress and into your real environment.

Taste and smell can be particularly powerful ways to get us back into our bodies, so don’t skip over those. (I have clients that swear by tasting something super sour like a Warhead to instantly get them out of a spiral and into a more grounded state—try it!)

Box Breathing

Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4.
Repeat 4–6 times.
This is one of the fastest ways to flip your brain out of fight-or-flight and into regulation.

The “Phone Down, Feet Down” Technique

Put your phone on a table or counter—somewhere not in your hand.
Then plant both feet firmly on the ground.
Feel the weight of your body, the floor supporting you, and your breath.
This simple act creates a physical boundary between you and the digital spiral.

Quick Body Scan

Starting at your forehead and moving downward, ask:

• “Is there tension here?”

• “Can I soften it by 5%?”

Micro-relaxation works even if you can’t fully let go of tension. Repeat this process til you feel a shift.

Cold Temperature Reset

A splash of cool water on your face or placing something cold on the back of your neck activates the mammalian dive reflex.
This naturally lowers your heart rate and calms stress signals.

Similarly, you could take a cold shower, or even just step outside into the cold air for a quick reset.

The 2-Minute Refocus List

Grab a sticky note or your Notes app (but don’t scroll!).
Write:

• One thing you can control

• One thing you’re grateful for

• One small task you can do next

This breaks the helplessness that doomscrolling often fuels.

five-minute timer activity change

It can be hard to shift gears into action after doomscrolling, so overcome the inertia of moving again by setting a five-minute timer to start doing something physical. It could be washing the dishes, a productive task, taking a walk outside, even doing some light stretching, or moving to music. Start with 5 minutes, and you may find when the timer goes off you feel capable of doing more and continuing to switch up that energy.

If Doomscrolling Is Affecting Your Mental Health, You’re Not Alone. therapy in tacoma, wa can help.

Therapy in Tacoma, WA and WA state to help with anxiety and emotional regulation.

Modern stressors hit differently when you carry them in your pocket. If you notice that your mood, sleep, or attention is getting pulled into nonstop digital overwhelm, mental health therapy can help.

Working with a therapist in Tacoma, WA can give you personalized tools to regulate your nervous system, set healthier phone boundaries, and navigate the emotional impact of constant online news.

If you're ready to feel more grounded, more present, and more in control of your mental health, therapy is a great place to start. Brainspotting in particular is a somatic therapy that can get to the root of dissociative behaviors like doomscrolling and help you make the changes to your mood and behavior that you want to experience long-term. Click below to learn more about how brainspotting therapy in Tacoma, WA could help you.

Finding Hope After Trauma: One Man’s Journey with Brainspotting Therapy

For many people, trauma isn’t something that stays in the past. It can show up in daily life — through flashbacks, anxiety, nightmares, or even the constant feeling that you’re never truly safe. Many people suffer the negative impact of PTSD affecting their daily life for years, even decades.

what to try when talk therapy didn’t work for you

Many people seek out a therapist in Tacoma, WA to help them heal from PTSD and find relief. For some, they find what they are looking for right away. But for others, they may find that therapy is not as effective as they were hoping for. This can be for many reasons. Maybe the therapist wasn’t the right fit. Or maybe the therapy itself wasn’t what they needed.

This can sometimes be people’s experience with talk therapy. If you’ve ever felt like going to therapy is just talking about the problem without ever really solving it or changing anything, then this blog is for you.

one client’s experience with brainspotting therapy

Fortunately, there is hope for healing from trauma. Cutting-edge therapies like EMDR, brainspotting, and other somatic therapies can dramatically reduce the symptoms of trauma and make healing possible. And it doesn’t have to take years.

Today, I want to share the story of one man’s experience with brainspotting and how it changed his life. This is not one of my clients. I came across this man’s testimony in a brainspotting training. But I wanted to share it with you in hopes that it can inspire you in your own healing journey and help you understand how brainspotting therapy in Tacoma, WA may be able to help you.

After surviving severe childhood trauma, Ted spent years battling the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). His journey included inpatient psychiatric care, ongoing therapy attempts, and even moments of wrestling with suicidal thoughts. While he desperately wanted healing, traditional approaches to therapy never seemed to create the relief he hoped for.

In this brief testimonial, a client describes how brainspotting therapy helped them heal from significant childhood and on-going trauma.

When Talk Therapy Feels Too Painful

Like many trauma survivors, he tried several rounds of therapy over the years. Some of these approaches were talk therapy or cognitive processing therapy — methods that asked him to share or analyze the painful details of his abuse. But for him, talking about the past wasn’t just difficult; it felt nearly impossible.

The thought of revisiting those dark memories left him feeling stuck and overwhelmed. Therapy sessions sometimes felt more retraumatizing than healing, and he began to believe that maybe nothing could really help.

This is a common experience for trauma survivors. Wanting relief but feeling unable to talk through the details can leave someone feeling like their healing is out of reach.

Discovering a Different Kind of Therapy—brainspotting

Everything shifted when he heard about brainspotting therapy. What appealed to him about this was that he didn’t have to rehash every detail. He could engage with the healing process without having to talk it to death, again.

Brainspotting is a therapy that works with the body and the brain’s natural healing processes. Instead of relying only on words, it helps access where trauma is stored in the nervous system, working with both the mind and the body. For people who feel blocked or overwhelmed by talking, brainspotting offers a gentle but effective alternative.

In the video, Ted shared that this was the first time he felt truly hopeful about therapy. Knowing he could engage in the process without being forced to relive the details of his abuse gave him the courage to try again.

A Breakthrough After Years of Struggle

The results came quickly. After just three sessions of brainspotting therapy, he noticed a dramatic reduction in his PTSD symptoms.

The nightmares, the constant hypervigilance, the heavy sense of being trapped in the past — all of these began to lift. For the first time in decades, he felt like himself again.

His relief was so profound that he now wants to share his story with others. After years of believing he was beyond help, he discovered that healing was possible in a way he never expected.

Not everyone will experience healing this quickly or as dramatically. Each person is different. But because of how brainspotting works with the brain and nervous system, it can help many clients get results that were never possible for them with talk therapy alone.

Why Brainspotting Works Differently

Brainspotting therapy is not magic, but it works differently than many traditional talk therapies. Instead of requiring you to explain every detail of what happened, brainspotting uses the connection between the eyes, brain, and body to find “brainspots” — places where traumatic experiences are stored.

When guided in a safe and supportive environment, the brain naturally begins to process and release what has been held for so long. This allows healing to happen without needing to go into the full narrative of your trauma if that feels unsafe.

For trauma survivors who feel like words fail them, this can be a game-changer.

Therapy in Tacoma, WA That Meets You Where You Are

Ted’s story is unique, but it reflects what many people in Tacoma, WA experience when they’re searching for therapy. Some feel like they’ve “tried everything,” only to be left frustrated and discouraged. Others worry that they’ll have to tell every detail of their story just to begin healing.

But therapy doesn’t have to be that way. Brainspotting provides another path forward — one that respects your readiness, your pace, and your need for safety.

An Invitation to Take the Next Step and find a therapist in Tacaoma, wa

If you’ve been living with the weight of trauma, you may know how isolating it can feel. But you are not alone — and there are therapies like brainspotting that can truly help.

If this story resonates with you, I invite you to learn more about how brainspotting therapy in Tacoma, WA can support your healing. You don’t have to relive every painful detail in order to move forward.

When you’re ready, I welcome you to explore my specialty page on brainspotting therapy to see how this approach might be a good fit for you. Healing is possible — and you don’t have to do it alone.

Ask a Tacoma Therapist: What if “Talk therapy didn’t work for me?” and why brainspotting therapy might

I’m Kate Hagborg, LMHC with Destiny City Counseling, and I offer in-person therapy in Tacoma, WA and online therapy in WA state.

what if talk therapy didn’t work for me?

If you’ve tried traditional talk therapy and left feeling frustrated, disconnected, or like nothing really changed—you’re not alone. Many people find that while talk therapy offers insights, it doesn’t always lead to the deep healing they need. This is especially true for trauma, grief, or anxiety that seems to live in your body just as much as in your thoughts. If you’ve ever said, "I understand why I feel this way, but I still feel stuck," brainspotting therapy may be what you’re looking for.

Brainspotting therapy is different than talk therapy

Brainspotting is a somatic, body-based approach to therapy that focuses on where in your body you feel your emotional pain. It doesn’t rely solely on words or logical understanding. Instead, it gently invites your nervous system to process and release stuck trauma at the subcortical level—the part of the brain that controls emotion, memory, and instinct.

Unlike traditional talk therapy, which often stays in the rational part of the brain, brainspotting helps clients access deeper, pre-verbal experiences stored in the body. It respects your pace and doesn't require you to talk through every detail of your trauma. Instead, it meets you where your pain actually lives—in your chest, your gut, your jaw, your nervous system.

Why this matters—trauma lives in the body

Grief and trauma live in our bodies, and body-based therapies like brainspotting help to process these things at a deeper level than talk talk therapy alone.

Talk therapy can sometimes feel like you’re saying all the right things but not actually feeling better. That’s because trauma doesn’t just live in your memories—it lives in your body. You may experience tightness in your chest, a pit in your stomach, or a sudden wave of anxiety and not understand why. Or maybe you feel, numb, disconnected, or unable to stop addictive behaviors like doom-scrolling or emotional eating. These are signs your nervous system is holding onto something that talking alone can’t reach.

Brainspotting offers a way to bring compassion and attention to those physical sensations. It helps the body complete stress responses that were interrupted during traumatic or overwhelming experiences. In my work as a therapist in Tacoma, WA, I use brainspotting to help clients gently access these deeper layers, especially when other approaches haven’t helped.

how brainspotting therapy helped Kathleen Ferraro process her grief

Self Magazine recently published an article (June 4, 2025) titled ‘Brainspotting’ Was Life-Changing for Me. Here’s What to Know About the New-ish Therapy Technique by Kathleen Ferraro. In it, she describes her personal experience:

In the June 4, 2025 article for SELF Magazine titled ‘Brainspotting’ Was Life-Changing for Me. Here’s What to Know About the New-ish Therapy Technique, Kathleen Ferraro describes how brainspotting therapy changed her life.

“After my dad died unexpectedly, nothing seemed to touch the emotional and physical weight of the grief. It lived in my body—tight in my chest, heavy in my stomach, painful in my muscles. Traditional therapy felt like talking in circles. Grief counseling fell flat. But brainspotting? That cracked something open.

Kathleen's words are something I hear often in my Tacoma counseling office: that people feel like they’re walking around with unresolved emotional weight and don’t know how to unload it. Brainspotting therapy allows us to access that grief in a way that honors both the mind and the body.

how does brainspotting therapy work?

In a brainspotting session, I help clients find a "brainspot"—a specific eye position that corresponds to where trauma or emotional pain is held in the body. This spot is often identified by noticing physical sensations that arise while discussing a painful experience. Once we locate the brainspot, you simply observe your internal experience as your body and nervous system process it.

As Kathleen Ferraro described:

“In my first session, my therapist asked me to focus on a specific point on the screen—a seemingly random spot she’d identified after I described the sickening sensations I felt while talking about a recurring nightmare tied to losing a parent. I stared, and suddenly, I felt it: My stomach twisted, my body tensed, and a wave of panic washed over me. It was like the grief had been frozen in my nervous system, and now it finally had room to move.”

There is no need to relive every detail of a traumatic memory. Instead, the focus is on allowing physical and emotional sensations to emerge, be noticed, and move through the body. Ferraro writes:

“As you focus on the brainspot, physical sensations tied to your trauma begin to surface,” says Dr. Kaylor. For me, that often meant a racing heart, tight muscles, nausea, and difficulty swallowing. My therapist would then prompt me to notice, name, feel, and sit with these sensations without trying to push them away.

Brainspotting is believed to access the brain’s subcortical areas—those responsible for instinct, memory, and emotion—which allows stuck trauma to be released in a way that feels organic and compassionate

What results should I expect from brainspotting?

Brainspotting therapy can help the body release stored trauma and help regulate the nervous system.

Everyone’s experience with brainspotting therapy is unique. Some people feel a shift after just a few sessions. Others with more chronic trauma, dissociation, or long-standing patterns may notice more subtle changes that build over time. Sessions can be done in-person or online and still be highly effective.

Clients I work with often describe a softening of their inner world—less reactivity, fewer panic attacks, more connection to their emotions, and a deeper sense of calm. One client told me, "It’s like I have access to parts of myself I didn’t know how to reach before."

Kathleen Ferraro echoes this in her article:

“Though it took longer for me to reap the benefits of brainspotting, it was worth the wait. After four months of weekly brainspotting sessions, my flashbacks and nightmares noticeably decreased—what used to happen every week now occurred only every few months. The intense waves of grief also softened. Instead of stopping me in my tracks, the feelings became something I could sit with and move through, allowing me to return to my day without being swept into a full-blown panic response.”

how to know if I’m a good fit for brainspotting?

Brainspotting therapy might be right for you if:

• Talk therapy hasn’t worked or felt like enough

• You struggle to articulate or even understand what you’re feeling

• You want relief from trauma without having to retell the whole story

• EMDR didn’t feel like a good fit for you

• You feel like your body is holding onto stress, anxiety, or pain

• You want to become more compassionate toward yourself

Whether you're dealing with grief, anxiety, trauma, or just feel stuck, brainspotting therapy offers a gentle but powerful path forward.

Kate Hagborg, LMHC is a certified brainspotting therapist in Tacoma, WA

about the author

Kate Hagborg, LMHC is a certified brainspotting therapist in Tacoma, WA. She offers sessions in-person therapy sessions in Tacoma, WA, or virtual therapy sessions in WA state.

I integrate brainspotting and somatic work with a trauma-informed, relational, and spiritually-sensitive lens. You can learn more about my approach here. My other specialities include anxiety, burnout, codependency, and people-pleasing.

If you're curious about brainspotting therapy in Tacoma, WA, I invite you to reach out for a free 15-minute consultation. I’d love to talk with you about whether this approach might be a good fit for your healing journey.

To read more about brainspotting therapy, check out these other articles:

• Cultivating Self-Compassion Through Brainspotting Therapy

• How to Prepare for a Brainspotting Session

Ask a Therapist in Tacoma, WA: How to Regulate Your Nervous System

Find a therapist in Tacoma, WA today and learn tools to start regulating your nervous system.

If you’ve ever felt anxious, on edge, or exhausted for no clear reason, your nervous system may be trying to tell you something. In my work as a therapist in Tacoma, WA, I often help clients understand how their emotional and physical responses are connected to their nervous system—and more importantly, how to support regulation. Whether you’re recovering from stress, trauma, or just trying to find more balance in daily life, learning to regulate your nervous system is foundational to feeling safe, calm, and connected. In this post, we’ll explore what nervous system regulation is, why it matters, and how therapy—especially brainspotting therapy—can help you feel more grounded and resilient.

What Does It Mean to Regulate Your Nervous System?

Regulating your nervous system means being able to return to a calm, centered state after experiencing stress. It’s not about avoiding stress altogether, but rather being able to move through it without getting stuck in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses. A regulated nervous system allows you to feel emotions without being overwhelmed by them.

Imagine you're at work and receive an upsetting email. If you're dysregulated, you might lash out, shut down, or obsess about it for hours. If your system is regulated, you can notice your reaction, breathe through it, and respond thoughtfully. Therapy helps you build this capacity.

Why Nervous System Dysregulation Happens

Dysregulation can occur when your nervous system gets stuck in survival mode due to chronic stress, trauma, or lack of safety in your environment. Over time, this can lead to patterns of anxiety, irritability, shutdown, or feeling numb.

For example, growing up in a chaotic or critical household can prime your nervous system to stay on high alert. Even long after the threat is gone, your body may react as if it’s still there. Working with a therapist in Tacoma, WA can help identify and interrupt these patterns, creating space for healing and new responses.

The Role of the Autonomic Nervous System: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn

The autonomic nervous system has two main branches: the sympathetic (activating) and parasympathetic (calming). When danger is perceived, your system may respond with fight or flight (sympathetic), or freeze and fawn (parasympathetic in a shutdown mode).

For instance, fight might look like anger, while fawn might mean people-pleasing to stay safe. Therapy can help you better understand these responses and work with them, not against them.

What’s cool is that the brain has a “switch” (metaphorically speaking), to toggle between its active and calming state. It can only be in EITHER sympathetic or parasympathetic—which means that focusing on calming coping strategies can force the switch to flip and enable us to soothe our nervous systems faster. These strategies are not instantaneous, but stick with them and they will make a noticeable impact.

Signs Your Nervous System Might Be Dysregulated

Some signs include chronic anxiety, trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, feeling emotionally numb, or sudden mood swings. You might also notice physical symptoms like headaches, digestive issues, or chronic tension.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and there’s support available. A therapist trained in nervous system regulation and brainspotting therapy can help you connect the dots and start feeling better.

You can check out this previous article for more information on how to recognize a dysregulated nervous system.

How Therapy Helps Support Nervous System Regulation

One reason therapy is so powerful is because of co-regulation. The nonanxious, supportive presence of another person helps to regulate our nervous system so we can heal faster.

Therapy provides a safe, structured environment where you can explore your triggers and responses with curiosity rather than judgment. It also offers a consistent relationship where your nervous system can begin to feel safe.

Through guided exploration, you can develop body awareness, track your responses, and gently reprocess old wounds. Modalities like brainspotting therapy allow us to target the body-based aspects of dysregulation and help you return to balance.

Brainspotting and Nervous System Healing

Brainspotting therapy is a powerful tool that accesses deeper parts of the brain tied to trauma and emotional memory. By identifying a "brainspot"—a specific eye position linked to unresolved experiences—we can facilitate healing at the nervous system level.

One client described it as "getting to the root of the feeling without having to talk it to death." Many clients find that brainspotting allows for release without needing to relive the trauma. In sessions, we create a calm container where your body leads the process.

Small Changes, Big Impact: The Power of Daily Regulation Practices

You don’t have to overhaul your life to start feeling better. Gentle, consistent practices like stretching, walking in nature, or mindful breathing can support your nervous system’s resilience.

Even five minutes a day of slow breathing or quiet reflection can begin to shift your baseline. These tools become even more effective when introduced and supported in therapy, where we personalize them for your needs.

Breathing Techniques That Actually Work

Breathwork is a helpful way to switch from panic-brain to calming-brain. Therapy can help you learn tools like this to regulate your nervous system.

Simple breathing exercises, like box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4) or extended exhales (inhale 4, exhale 6-8), signal to your nervous system that you are safe. These tools may seem small, but they’re powerful.

In therapy, we often practice these together so you can feel the difference in real time. A therapist in Tacoma, WA can help you find the version that feels most natural to you.

Here are some free breathwork videos that you can try on your own:

• 5 Min Calming Breathwork - Yoga with Adrienne

• Box Breathing Visual - University of Alabama

• Box Breathing Explanation and demo - Headspace

Grounding Exercises for Moments of Overwhelm

Grounding techniques help bring your body back to the present moment. Try naming five things you see, four you can touch, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste.

This sensory awareness interrupts spirals of anxiety or dissociation. Practicing these with a therapist makes it easier to use them when you need them most—and to trust that they work.

Here’s a free video that walks you through the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique.

Movement and the Mind-Body Connection

Movement helps release stress stored in the body. Gentle stretching, yoga, walking, or even dancing can signal to your nervous system that it's safe to let go.

• Regulate your nervous system: 15 min destress yoga practice with Adrienne

• 5 min seated chair stretch yoga for beginners

• 4 simple movements to regulate your nervous system

Nutrition, Sleep, and the Nervous System

Daily habits like hydrating, meal prep, and showering can be hard when we are depressed. Therapy can help you find a routine to start feeling better faster.

Food and rest have a direct impact on how your nervous system functions. Blood sugar crashes or poor sleep can make emotional regulation harder. Too much caffeine can exacerbate anxiety, panic attacks, and sleep issues.

And how many of us are guilty of not drinking enough water? This one’s always a struggle for me. But dehydration can lead to brain fog, tiredness, fatigue, headaches, and more. Water is necessary for our cells and bodies to do just about every process they are designed for.

Depression and anxiety can make it difficult to develop daily routines. You may struggle with activities of daily life like getting adequate nutrition, over-eating or binge eating, not having the bandwidth to hydrate, grocery shop, or stay consistent with these things. This is nothing to be ashamed of—it’s just a sign your nervous system is overwhelmed and you could use some more support.

Therapy often includes conversations about lifestyle patterns that support your mental and physical health. We might explore how caffeine, screen time, or meal timing affect your sense of balance. We can help you develop a plan to address your physical needs that isn’t overwhelming and starts to help you feel better.

Why You Can’t “Think” Your Way Out of Anxiety

Cognitive tools like reframing or positive self-talk are useful—but they aren’t always enough. That’s because anxiety often lives deeper in the body than in the rational mind. When your nervous system is activated, the logical parts of your brain may go offline.

For example, you may know intellectually that you're safe, but your heart is racing, your muscles are tense, and your thoughts are spiraling. In these moments, telling yourself to "just calm down" often doesn’t work.

In therapy, especially using brainspotting, we bypass the overthinking and work directly with the body's response. We allow your system to express and resolve the anxiety at its root—physically and emotionally.

Co-Regulation: Why We Heal Better with Others

Regulation isn’t just a solo task. Our nervous systems co-regulate through safe relationships. This is why therapy can be so healing—because it provides an ongoing opportunity to experience safety and attunement.

Think about how a baby calms when held by a caregiver. Adults aren’t so different. Sitting with someone who is grounded and empathetic can help your system calm down. That’s part of what I offer as a therapist in Tacoma, WA—a stable, attuned presence that supports your healing.

Building a “Window of Tolerance” for Stress

Your window of tolerance is the zone where you can think, feel, and function without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down. Outside of this window, you might feel frantic, angry, or shut down and frozen.

In therapy, we help expand that window over time. We practice staying present with emotions that used to feel intolerable. Through techniques like brainspotting, resourcing, and titration, we slowly build your capacity to stay grounded during stress.

Self-Compassion as a Regulation Tool

Self-compassion isn’t just nice—it’s a powerful regulator. Harsh self-criticism increases cortisol and adrenaline. Kindness and acceptance, on the other hand, soothe your nervous system and promote healing.

One client I worked with started writing daily compassionate notes to herself. Over time, she noticed her anxiety lessened—not because her life got easier, but because her inner world became a more supportive place.

If being kind to yourself feels foreign, therapy can help you build that muscle.

How to Talk to Kids About Their Nervous Systems

Therapy is the gift that keeps giving generation after generation! Learning how to regulate your nervous system is one of the best parenting practices that can help your kids.

Our relationship to our nervous system doesn’t just affect us. Learning how to regulate better makes us more present and attuned parents, caregivers, and teachers. Teaching kids about their nervous systems helps them build emotional resilience. Using simple metaphors—like calling the brain a "guard dog" or describing nervous system states as "zones" (red for angry, blue for sad)—can help them understand what’s happening inside.

For example, a parent might say, "It seems like your engine is running really fast. Let’s take some slow breaths to cool it down." These conversations help kids feel empowered rather than ashamed. Getting support for yourself first is the number one things you can do to help set your kids up for success when it comes to mental health. You can translate what you learn into tools that are age-appropriate and effective for the little ones in your life.

Nervous System Regulation in Trauma Recovery

Trauma disrupts the nervous system’s ability to feel safe. That’s why trauma recovery isn’t just about talking—it’s about helping the body feel safety again. Brainspotting therapy is especially helpful for this because it allows the body, not just the mind, to lead.

One trauma survivor I worked with described feeling like her body "finally exhaled" after a lifetime of tension. Therapy gave her a space where she didn’t have to explain everything—she could just feel and heal.

Recovery is possible, and it begins with helping your nervous system rediscover safety.

When to Seek Help from a Therapist in Tacoma, WA

If you find yourself feeling stuck, exhausted, overwhelmed, or emotionally numb more often than not, it may be time to reach out. Or if all your energy is spent supporting others in your life, but there’s not enough left in the take to care for yourself well, therapy can help you. You don’t need to be in crisis to benefit from therapy—supporting your nervous system can be a proactive form of self-care.

A therapist in Tacoma, WA can help you make sense of your symptoms, identify helpful tools, and build a personalized path toward regulation and healing. It’s okay to ask for help—it’s actually a sign of strength.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Broken—Your Nervous System Just Needs Support

So many people walk through life feeling like something is wrong with them when in reality, their nervous system is simply doing its best to protect them. You’re not broken—you’re wired for survival. And you can learn how to regulate, heal, and thrive.

I’m Kate Hagborg, LMHC, a therapist in Tacoma, WA and I’m here to help. Reach out today for a free 15-minute phone consultation.

Working with a therapist, especially one trained in brainspotting therapy, can be a powerful next step. Together, we can help your nervous system feel safer, your emotions more manageable, and your life more connected.

You’re ready for help—I’m a therapist in Tacoma, WA and I’m here for you

If you’re ready to begin your journey toward nervous system regulation, I’d love to connect. I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation so we can talk about what you’re looking for and see if we’re a good fit. Give me a call today—I’m here to help you feel more grounded, resilient, and whole.

Ask a Therapist in Tacoma: What Are Signs of a Dysregulated Nervous System?

Hey Tacoma—What Is a Dysregulated Nervous System, Anyway?

If you've ever felt overwhelmed for "no reason" or stuck in a cycle of anxiety and fatigue, you might be dealing with a dysregulated nervous system. As a therapist in Tacoma, I often explain this in simple terms: your nervous system is like your body's alarm and relaxation system. When it’s working well, it knows when to activate and when to calm down. But if it’s dysregulated, it can get stuck in overdrive or shutdown mode. That means your body and brain might respond to everyday stress as if it were a full-blown crisis. Therapies like Brainspotting can help identify where these stress responses are held in the body, gently supporting the nervous system in returning to balance.

Why Your Body Feels “Off” and You Can’t Explain It

One of the first clues that your nervous system might be dysregulated is a persistent sense of something being "off" in your body. Maybe you're exhausted even after a full night's sleep, or your muscles are constantly tense. Some folks feel a tight chest, shallow breathing, or frequent stomachaches. These are all signs that your body is trying to communicate something. As a therapist in Tacoma, I always encourage clients to trust what their body is telling them—it often knows before our minds catch up. Brainspotting works with that body awareness, allowing us to explore what’s stored in the deeper parts of the brain, beyond words.

Emotional Rollercoaster? Your Nervous System Might Be Involved

The mood swings of a dysregulated nervous system can feel like a rollar coaster—not the good kind. Finding a therapist in Tacoma can help.

Ever feel like you're swinging from calm to anxious to irritable in a matter of minutes? Emotional volatility is another hallmark of nervous system dysregulation. It doesn’t mean you're "too sensitive" or "overreacting"—your system is simply trying to protect you, even if there isn’t a clear and present danger. I often help clients in my Tacoma therapy office learn to notice these shifts without judgment, so they can start to understand what's going on underneath. Brainspotting can be especially helpful here because it targets the root of these emotional patterns—not just the symptoms.

Freeze, Fawn, Fight, or Flight—Which One Shows Up for You?

When we talk about trauma and nervous system responses, the four Fs—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—often come up. Fight might look like snapping at someone unexpectedly. Flight might look like overworking or always being busy. Freeze can be zoning out or feeling paralyzed. Fawn might be people-pleasing to avoid conflict. These are all nervous system strategies designed to keep us safe. In therapy, we look at which patterns are showing up and why, so we can create space for new, healthier responses. Brainspotting helps by processing these responses at the source, unlocking stuck survival energy that keeps us cycling through the same reactions.

Therapist in Tacoma Explains: How Stress Hijacks Your Nervous System

When stress is chronic, it doesn’t just affect your mood—it impacts your entire nervous system. Think of it like your internal dashboard: too much pressure and the warning lights start flashing. Hormones like cortisol and adrenaline flood your system, and your brain has a harder time shifting into rest mode. In my work as a therapist in Tacoma, I see this often in folks who are juggling work, family, and life demands without a moment to reset. That constant "on" feeling can be draining. Brainspotting allows us to process the stress that’s built up over time, so your system can finally take its foot off the gas pedal.

When Coffee Feels Like a Panic Attack: Clues You Might Miss

If your nervous system is dysregulated, even small things can tip the scale. Some of my Tacoma clients report that caffeine suddenly makes them jittery or anxious, or that loud sounds feel unbearable. This kind of sensory sensitivity is a red flag. It means your system is already on edge, and even minor stimuli can feel overwhelming. You’re not crazy—you’re just maxed out. Recognizing this can be the first step toward healing. Brainspotting offers a gentle, non-verbal path to help your nervous system down-regulate, even when traditional talk therapy hasn’t helped.

Signs of a dysregulated nervous system can look like anxiety or depression—or both. Finding a therapist in Tacoma can help you address these symptoms.

Are You Always “On” or Totally Numb? That’s a Red Flag

Hypervigilance and emotional numbness might seem like opposites, but they both point to the same issue: nervous system dysregulation. If you're constantly scanning for danger, even in safe environments, your system might be stuck in a fight-or-flight state. On the other hand, if you feel emotionally flat or disconnected, you might be in freeze mode. As a therapist in Tacoma, I help people recognize these extremes and find ways to come back to center. Brainspotting can support this process by allowing your brain to process overwhelming or frozen experiences at a pace that feels safe.

Your Gut, Sleep, and Skin Are Talking—Are You Listening?

Your nervous system doesn't just live in your head—it's connected to your whole body. That means gut issues, skin flare-ups, and sleep disturbances can all be signs of dysregulation. If you’re waking up at 3 AM every night or dealing with chronic digestive issues, your nervous system might be trying to get your attention. Tacoma clients are often surprised to learn that addressing emotional health can improve physical symptoms too. Brainspotting helps us access those deeper layers of stored stress and trauma that are often behind persistent physical symptoms.

How a Therapist in Tacoma Can Help You Re-Regulate

Therapy can be a powerful tool for regulating your nervous system. In my Tacoma practice, I use approaches like Brainspotting, mindfulness, and somatic techniques to help clients reconnect with their bodies and emotions. It's not about "fixing" you—it's about helping your system feel safe enough to shift. Brainspotting in particular can be transformative because it works directly with the brain and body to release trauma and emotional blocks, often without needing to rehash painful stories. Over time, clients start to notice more calm, better sleep, improved relationships, and a greater sense of resilience.

Small Steps You Can Take Today to Soothe Your Nervous System

You don’t have to wait for a therapy session to start regulating your nervous system. Try placing your hand on your chest and taking slow, deep breaths. Go outside and feel your feet on the ground. Listen to calming music or splash cold water on your face. These might seem small, but they send powerful signals of safety to your brain. And when you're ready to go deeper, therapy—and especially Brainspotting—can offer lasting support. If you're in Tacoma and wondering whether Brainspotting therapy might be right for you, I invite you to reach out. Let’s talk about what you’re experiencing and explore how healing can begin.

Interested in Brainspotting therapy in Tacoma?

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to figure it out by yourself. I specialize in helping people heal from nervous system dysregulation using Brainspotting and other approaches. Reach out today to schedule a free 15-minute consultation and explore whether Brainspotting might be the right fit for you.

The top 10 Truths about counselling, therapy, psychotherapy, and coaching in Tacoma, WA

Therapy can be life-changing, but many people have misconceptions about what to expect. As a therapist in Tacoma, WA, I want to share 10 essential truths that can help you get the most out of your counseling experience.

1. Therapy Is for Everyone, Not Just Those in Crisis

You don’t need to be in a crisis to benefit from therapy. Many people seek counseling for self-growth, relationship challenges, career decisions, and personal development. Therapy is a proactive way to improve your mental and emotional well-being. Therapy can be like working out with a personal trainer—it’s a way to invest in your growth and get exponential results.

2. Healing Takes Time, But Small Steps Lead to Big Changes

Therapy isn’t a quick fix, but that doesn’t mean you won’t see results. Even small shifts in thinking and behavior can create lasting positive changes over time. Committing to the process is key. I encourage clients to give it 4-6 sessions. In that period of time, you probably won’t have met all of your goals, but you should feel noticeable changes. If not, talk to your therapist and go over your goals (also known as your treatment plan) with them again so you can be sure that you are getting everything you need from this process. With consistent effort over time, you’ll be amazed at the changes you can make in your mood, behaviors, relationships, and more.

3. Your Therapist Won’t Judge You—This Is a Safe Space

Many people hesitate to share their deepest thoughts and feelings, fearing judgment. But therapy is a judgment-free zone. A skilled therapist in Tacoma, WA creates a safe space where you can be your authentic self without fear. Our goal is to give you an experience of a relationship where you can explore your authentic self and feel totally safe, supported, and not judged. This helps you grow in compassion for yourself and make changes in your relationships with other people.

4. Therapy Isn’t Just About Talking—It’s About Transformation

Therapy isn’t just venting; it’s about learning tools to change your patterns, behaviors, and mindset. Techniques like brainspotting therapy go beyond words to help clients process trauma, anxiety, and emotional blocks on a deeper level. Brainspotting helps clients to change on the neurobiological level by working with both the brain and the body to get deeper and more lasting results.

5. You Don’t Have to Know Exactly What’s Wrong to Start Therapy

Many people think they need a specific reason to begin therapy, but that’s not true. If something feels off, you’re feeling stuck, or you just want extra support, therapy can help you gain clarity and direction. In the first couple of sessions, I work with clients to understand the context of their story, what they want for their future, and then to set goals for our time together. These goals will help us be specific about the changes you want to experience in your life, and a way for us to measure the effectiveness of our work together. If you’re not sure what you want to change, we can find that together.

6. Therapy Can Be Affordable—Even Without Insurance

Many therapists do not accept insurance, but that doesn’t mean therapy is out of reach. Here’s how you can afford therapy without in-network insurance:

• Use Out-of-Network Benefits: Many insurance plans reimburse for therapy with an out-of-network provider.

• Ask for a Superbill: A superbill is an invoice your therapist provides so you can submit it for potential reimbursement.

• Use an HSA or FSA: Health Savings Accounts (HSA) and Flexible Spending Accounts (FSA) can often be used to cover therapy costs.

If you’re unsure about your insurance coverage, call your provider and ask about out-of-network mental health benefits.

Therapy can help you come out of hiding and find the support you deserve. Reach out to me, Kate Hagborg, LMHC, a therapist in Tacoma, WA today.

7. You Don’t Have to Share Everything at Once—Go at Your Own Pace

It’s okay to take your time in therapy. You don’t have to dive into painful memories right away. A good therapist will respect your pace and help you feel comfortable before exploring deeper topics. As trust and rapport develop, we can get into areas that require more gentleness and support to process. Creating a treatment plan at the beginning of therapy allows us to determine our goals and priorities of what we want to work on now, and what we want to build up to later.

8. Your Therapist Won’t “Fix” You—Because You’re Not Broken

Therapy isn’t about fixing you—it’s about helping you understand yourself, heal, and grow. You already have strength and resilience; therapy just helps you tap into it. This is one reason that I love brainspotting therapy—it helps clients connect to their inner resiliency and resources. In brainspotting, when we lean in and honor the wisdom of your body expressed as emotions, somatic experiences, thoughts, memories, and intuition, brainspotting allows your body to naturally “unwind the knots” and get to a place of peace, acceptance, and growth.

9. Finding the Right Therapist Is Important—It’s Okay to Switch

Not every therapist will be the right fit for you, and that’s okay. If you don’t feel comfortable or understood, don’t be afraid to try a different therapist in Tacoma, WA who aligns better with your needs. If you’re working with a therapist and aren’t feeling aligned with the methods, seeing positive results, or feeling safe and understood, let them know. It can be awkward to broach these conversations, but your therapist is a professional and they will understand. A good therapist will welcome the feedback graciously and help adjust the approach to be the right fit for you. If that still isn’t working, you can talk to your therapist about the need to find a better fit, and they can even help you with referrals to find the right match. They want the best for you and this is absolutely an ok thing to do. As a professional, they should support you and celebrate your self-advocacy.

10. Therapy Works Best When You’re Open and Committed

The more you engage with the therapy process—both in and outside of sessions—the more benefits you’ll see. Therapy is a partnership, and your willingness to reflect, experiment with new coping skills, and practice self-awareness makes all the difference.

Your therapist can suggest ways you can practice what was discussed in your session throughout the week. They may also be able to suggest books, podcasts, or resources to support the work you are doing. If you like the idea of learning more between sessions, great!

If you are already busy and it’s overwhelming to think about adding anything in between sessions, don’t worry about it! This process is all about meeting you where you are in life. You and your therapist can maximize your sessions to get you to your goals without feeling like you have to complete homework assignments between sessions to be successful. The key is discussing what kind of support you want and making a plan with your therapist in line with that.

Ready to Start Therapy in Tacoma, WA?

If you’re thinking about therapy, don’t let doubts hold you back. Whether you’re interested in traditional counseling or specialized approaches like brainspotting therapy, finding the right therapist in Tacoma, WA can help you take the next step toward healing and growth.

I love working with women in Tacoma, WA to help them overcome people-pleasing and codependency, heal burnout, calm anxiety, and find peace again. Contact me today to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if we’d be a good fit to help you reach your goals.