The benefits of online therapy | How to find online therapy in Washington state

Are you looking for an online therapist in Washington state? The verdict is in, and online therapy is an effective and accessible means of working on your mental health goals from anywhere. Let’s take a look at some of the benefits of online counseling.

Online therapy is as effective as in-person therapy

Covid sucks. But one good thing it gave us (other than our new sourdough baking habit and collection of sweatpants) is way more opportunities to see therapists online than in the pre-pandemic days. Now, practically all therapists offer online appointments. But is seeing a therapist online as effective as in-person?

Yes!

There have been numerous studies that support the effectiveness of online therapy in a host of mental health issues like depression, anxiety, PTSD, and more. Not only that, but studies find that patients are generally just as satisfied with online counseling as they are with in-person counseling.

According to the National Center for Health Research:

Research has found that online therapy can be effective at treating anxiety, depression, and trauma. There is no difference in patient satisfaction depending on whether therapy is online or in-person, and for either method of receiving therapy, the outcomes are better the more sessions someone attends.

Doing online therapy in Washington state means you have more selection in finding the right therapist for you

It can be hard to find the exact right therapist you are looking for. Someone who has the personality that puts you at ease, the expertise to help with your issue, and the methods that suit your needs best. Sometimes, you just aren’t able to find that person in your city. But with online therapy, that is no longer a problem. You can expand your search to anywhere in your state! Try googling your search terms and using different metro areas in your state. If you already searched “anxiety therapist Tacoma,” or “therapist for women Seattle,” try searching with different metro areas like Bellingham, Spokane, etc., or “online therapy WA state anxiety.,” etc. This will help you expand your options. You can also do this by using different zip codes on websites like www.psychologytoday.com or www.therapyden.com.

Online therapy gives you convenience and comfort that make taking care of your mental health a little easier

It feels like there is more to be stressed about in life than ever before, and many of us have never been busier. It’s really hard to make time for the self-care things we all want to do and know we should be doing. Exercise, prepping healthy food, taking care of our mental health. It can feel impossible to fit everything in. Online therapy in WA state is a great option if this sounds like you. No parking, no traffic—you can even do sessions on your lunch break or in your office or car after work. Or you can do it from home while your child takes a nap or watches a couple epsides of Cocomelon. 😁 Online therapy makes mental health care so much more accessible for so many more people who wouldn’t otherwise have the time.

Also, some people find it easier to open up virtually as opposed to in-person. The screen can be a welcome buffer for some people that helps them let their guard down without feeling overly vulnerable. And you can have sessions from a place where you feel safe, like in your home, with your dog on your lap, a weighted blanket around your shoulders, and your favorite mug of tea in your hands if you want to.

Call today for a free consultation about online therapy in Washington state

If you’re looking for an online therapist in WA state, I would be happy to chat and see if we are a good fit! I help women to get unstuck and back on a path to feeling calm and connected to their best selves. Give me a call today for a free 15-min phone consultation.

How to find a therapist in Tacoma

So you’re looking for a therapist in Tacoma—where do you start? Here are some suggestions to get you started!

Ask friends if they have a therapist in Tacoma they love

Word of mouth is always the best! Do you have any friends or coworkers who have ever mentioned “Oh, let me tell you what my therapist told me once…” Thankfully there is less and less stigma around mental health these days, especially with younger generations, and many people are as excited to tell you about a therapist or type of therapy they loved as they are their favorite bahn mi shop! Don’t be afraid to ask around. Many people are glad to know that their experience can help others. Ask questions about where they found their therapist, how many therapists they interviewed before deciding on the right one, what helped them know their therapist was “the one,” and what they like the most about who they see.

Ask your doctor or medical professional for referrals

Another great source for a therapist in Tacoma is of course your doctor. You probably thought of that, but if you didn’t get the right recommendation, don’t stop there! Other medical professionals network and have therapists they know and trust as well. Think about asking your dentist, massage therapist, acupuncturist, or chiropractor.

Contact your insurance for therapist referrals and psychotherapy benefits coverage

Calling your insurance company has the benefit of only giving you referrals that are in-network with your plan. But in case you aren’t finding the therapist in Tacoma you want to work with, or they are full, don’t fret! You may still be able to use your insurance benefits with an out-of-network provider. Many people can still receive a percentage of reimbursement for services by mailing in a “superbill” (a receipt of services) to your insurance and then getting paid back later. When you call for in-network referral options, go ahead and ask about your out-of-network mental health benefits. That way, if you find the perfect therapist who is out-of-network, you’ll already know your options and may even be entitled for some money back.

And of course, Google it to find a therapist in Tacoma

I know you definitely thought of this one! But try a few different search terms in Google to see your options. Maybe you tried googling “therapist in Tacoma,” but did you know you can see different options if you search “counselor in Tacoma” or “anxiety therapist in Tacoma?” Try searching more specifically for the issues you want to work on or the type of therapy you want, like “therapist for women in Tacoma,” or “Lifespan Integration therapist in Tacoma.”

Also, there are some useful online directories where you can filter your search by the issue you want to work on, insurance preference, being seen in-person or virtually, narrowed down by zip code, and more! Definitely let these directory search tools help you find the perfect therapist in Tacoma for you.

www.psychologytoday.com

www.therapyden.com

Do I really need a therapist near me? Not anymore!

There wasn’t much good that came out of the worst of the pandemic (except maybe a wider selection of athleisure wear, thanks pandemic! 😂), but one good thing is that now almost all therapists offer online virtual appointments. This is great news for consumers because while you used to be limited to only seeing specialists in your immediate area, now you can look for a therapist in WA state! So think about widening your search from “therapist in Tacoma” to googling different major cities like Seattle, Spokane, Bellingham, etc. to see if you find a therapist who you think would be a good fit.

To find your perfect therapist, set up multiple consultation calls

Finally, I highly recommend that you set up multiple consultation calls with different therapists to find the right fit for you. Most everyone offers a free 15-min consultation call. And finding a therapist is a little like online dating—it takes some persistence to pay off usually! Just know that it is normal and encouraged to interview several people til you find someone who you feel a sense of comfort with and who works in a way that would best suit your needs.

If you are looking for a therapist in Tacoma or an online therapist in WA state, I would love to set up a free call to see if we are a good fit! I help women get unstuck from anxiety, depression, and negative patterns, and feel more connected to their authentic selves. Call today and take the next step in feeling better.

How Therapy Can Reduce Anxiety: The Anxiety Equation

In the next few blogs, I will be writing a series of tips for how to reduce anxiety. As an anxiety therapist in Tacoma, WA, most clients that I work with suffer from an anxiety disorder of one kind or another.

anxiety disorders are on the rise.

During the height of the pandemic in 2020-2021, we saw an increase in the prevalence of anxiety and depression from 36.4% to 41.5% (CDC). Even as the worst effects of the pandemic have waned, we have more global instability, financial pressures, and personal stressors than many of us have experienced before in our lifetime.

Now just because you have anxious feelings does not mean you have an anxiety disorder. Generally, something is considered an anxiety disorder if the symptoms you are having inhibit your functioning and cause persistent distress. There are several types of anxiety disorders including PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, phobias, burnout from work, caregiving, etc., obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety, and more. A therapist can explore your symptoms with you and work with you to understand if you meet the criteria for a diagnosis.

How therapy for anxiety has helped me.

As an anxiety therapist in Tacoma, WA, I am not immune to anxiety. I know firsthand the suffering that anxiety can cause. So I too have to stay vigilant of my own mental health and find strategies to reduce and manage anxiety in my life (which I do through working with my own therapist and practicing many of the techniques I share with clients). Today I want to share an “equation” of sorts that I personally have found immensely helpful in my own recovery from anxiety, and many of my clients have benefited from understanding this principle, too.

An anxiety disorder = OVERESTIMATING a sense of risk + UNDERESTIMATING your own ability to cope.

Is your mind-blown? 🤯 Not yet? Let’s break it down a little further.

Anxiety causes us to overestimate the risk of many situations.

One symptom of anxiety is hyper-vigilance. That means we constantly scanning our circumstances, environment, relationships, etc. for danger. This is actually a wonderful survival skill. We need to be aware to stay safe. But when we move from “normal” anxiety to “disordered anxiety,” it’s like these survival skills like hyper-vigilance get stuck in the on-switch. The brain and body don’t know how to relax and go back into our baseline of safety.

You’ve probably noticed that the more hyper-vigilant you are looking for a threat, the more you will find evidence of one. Have you ever thought you heard a sound in the house at night and your brain instantly goes toward a break-in? Those next moments in bed you are still as a statue and hyper-aware of every little creak of the house and gust of wind, and your brain can run away with this and create all sorts of scary scenarios.

Or maybe you get anxious about the feelings of anxiety itself in the body. This is common for people with panic disorder. We become afraid of feeling afraid. This can cause us to be hyper-vigilant about every little change in our bodies. We become concerned about any increase in heart or change in breathing. And if you are anxious about your heart rate and then start monitoring your heart rate, guess what—your heart rate is going to increase, and then the anxiety increases, and so the cycle goes.

These are examples of normal, everyday occurrences that our anxious brains can twist into things that feel really scary. In these examples, we are overestimating the risk of various scenarios.

anxiety causes us to underestimate our ability to cope.

The other piece of this equation is that when we have an anxiety disorder, we are prone to drastically underestimating our ability to cope in the situations we fear. Worry and overthinking really come into play here. Our brain shows us a horror movie marathon we never bought tickets for—images of ourselves devastated by an illness, ruined by financial loss, the butt of that joke whispered at the party, etc.

The brain is all too good at inventing scary stories. Weirdly, this is also rooted in survival. Your brain is always all about your survival as its number one priority, and it doesn’t know when it’s WAY TOO OVER-EAGER at its job! If your brain and body are dealing with disordered anxiety, it will want to influence your behavior to not do anything that is risky. And part of that is us imagining that these various scenarios will be too much for us to handle.

Something else that reinforces our false beliefs that we cannot cope well with the things we fear is something else that is a key player in every anxiety disorder: AVOIDANCE.

Avoidance will super-charge your anxiety.

It’s natural, you were bit by a dog as a kid, and subsequently, you are afraid of dogs, so you avoid dogs! But anxiety disorders tend to take on a life of their own. At first, you avoided owning a dog, but that fear can grow to never petting dogs, refusing to enter a house if there’s a dog there, breaking out into sweats when walking around your neighborhood for fear of running into a dog, etc. Every time we avoid the thing we are afraid of, avoidance is like a little reward to our brain. I don’t have to face that thing—a get out of jail free card, yay! But the more we do that, the more reinforce avoiding our fears, and teach our brain we are incapable of handling our fears! And so that fear grows.

This is how social anxiety blooms into more and more fear of meeting new people or going into public spaces. Or how agoraphobia (the fear of leaving one’s house or safe zone or familiar surroundings) starts to develop. We are less and less willing to tolerate risk because the brain has been rewarded time and time again by little avoidance treats that cut short our discomfort with facing our fears, even if it’s safe and necessary to do so.

So what’s the answer?

Reducing anxiety involves more accurately assessing risk and growing in confidence in our ability to tolerate discomfort.

The good news is there are many effective treatments for anxiety! Hurrah! We must learn to correct our exaggerated perceptions of risk by becoming aware of the thoughts we are having that scare us, deconstructing them, and replacing them with more accurate thoughts that are much more realistic about the danger. We must also learn to slowly start facing our fears in a safe environment so we can grow in confidence that we are capable of handling that discomfort. Through this process, we learn we are actually much more capable and resilient than we thought.

Another approach that is necessary is working with our bodies. Anxiety is not all in our heads. While addressing thinking is important, we also need a body-based approach. Most of the symptoms that give us discomfort are in our bodies—racing heart, upset digestion, sleeplessness, fatigue, etc.

This is why I love using the therapy brainspotting to help people who suffer from anxiety. It is a gentle body-based approach that heals without retraumatizing. Our goal here is to help your fight-flight-freeze system in your brain go back to its baseline and off of high alert. We are helping your nervous system to relax, which will also make it easier for you to change your thinking patterns to reduce anxiety as well.

I am an anxiety therapist in Tacoma, Wa and WA state.

Don’t suffer alone anymore! Finding an anxiety therapist in Tacoma, WA can help you to reduce anxiety, manage stress, and find peace again. Anxiety disorders are very treatable. Call today for a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if we are a good fit.

Therapy spotlight: What is Lifespan Integration and could it help me?

There are countless therapies out there and it can sound like alphabet soup—CBT, ACT, EMDR—OMG 😂 There are many therapy modalities that are effective and can work for you. Rarely is there one right answer, but instead many paths to healing. However, sometimes, a particular therapy deserves a shout-out among the rest for its usefulness when it comes to certain issues. So today I want to highlight the therapy LIfespan Integration (LI) and how it can help you in your healing journey.

What is Lifespan Integration Therapy?

From the Lifespan Integration website:

Lifespan Integration is a gentle, body-based therapeutic method that heals without re-traumatizing. In 2003, Peggy Pace published the first edition of her book, Lifespan Integration: Connecting Ego States through Time. Pace originally designed Lifespan Integration therapy for adult survivors of childhood abuse or neglect. She soon found that LI therapy facilitates rapid healing in people of all ages, and is effective with a wide range of therapeutic issues. Since 2004, Pace has been training therapists throughout the US and Western Europe.

“Lifespan Integration is a gentle, body-based therapeutic method which heals without re-traumatizing.”

Lifespan Integration is different from talk therapy in that our focus is not a cognitive approach that deals with changing thoughts or negative beliefs. LI is body-based, and utilizes repetitions of a visual timeline of memories to facilitate neural integration and rapid healing. By using the timeline from the client’s life, LI helps integrate a person’s sense of self throughout every stage of their life.

Using this panoramic approach of one’s entire life, the body can naturally allow traumatic memories to resurface without the therapist having to take the client deep into those difficult memories. We can work with those traumas with a light touch and help the body realize that those traumas are over and they are now in the present—the timeline proves to the body that this is so.

Repetitions of a timeline of the client’s memory cues are central to every LI protocol. Some LI protocols are focused on clearing body memory of trauma, and some are focused on building self-structure. Most LI protocols do some of both. In a typical LI session, the therapist will read the client’s timeline to them multiple times and the client will view their life as a movie. Other interventions will be done depending on our goal.

What kinds of issues is Lifespan Integration good for?

We can use Lifespan Integration to clear traumas, build self-esteem, help diffuse relationship stress, help with grief, target negative beliefs, decrease anxiety and depression, promote a calmer nervous system, and more. Lifespan Integration helps rewire a person’s nervous system to help them be more resilient to stress and better able to regulate their emotions. It does this through integrating neural pathways to create a solid core self.

Imagine a trampoline that was hanging by only a handful of springs, parts of the fabric flopping down. I bet you’d be nervous to jump, am I right? With good reason! There aren’t enough points of connection to provide that buoyancy against your weight.

But think of a properly assembled trampoline—there are dozens of points of connection all the way around between the fabric and the springs attached to the frame. The more points of connection, the stronger that trampoline is to support your weight, and the more fun you have jumping.

Lifespan Integration helps create those points of connection between all of our neural networks (which are stored all over our brain and body). The more internally connected we are (aka integrated), the stronger our core sense of self and well-being.

looking for lifespan integration therapy near you?

Imagine feeling you really know yourself deeply, and love who you are. Imagine cultivating a relationship of compassion with yourself at every stage throughout your life. Imagine getting to go back in time and “input” some of the love, affirmation, advocacy, and support that you needed back then, in a way that matters for your present-day self. Lifespan Integration allows you to do all these things in a way that is not just on the level of our thoughts, but in our very body itself.

I provide Lifespan Integration therapy in Tacoma, WA, and online to residents of WA. (Lifespan Integration therapy works very in online therapy, by the way)! If you'd like to find out more about Lifespan Integration and if this therapy is right for you, give me a call at 253-365-0403 to ask about counseling. I provide a free 15-min phone consult to see if we are a good fit.

Three Ways to Prevent Burnout

In my last post, we discussed some of the signs and symptoms of burnout, an increasingly common mental health threat in our modern lives. Burnout comes with feelings of anxiety, depression, cynicism, escapism, exhaustion, and sometimes even physical illness.

If you are experiencing stress as a result of your job, caregiving for family members, parenting, or other life stressors, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Let’s talk about three ways to intervene early to prevent burnout from getting you down.

1. Practice regular self-care

   Self-care is more than bubble baths and Netflix (though by all means, enjoy those when you can)! In their book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, authors Emily and Amelia Nagoski take a deep dive into the research about what kinds of self-care are critical to preventing burnout. Chief among them is exercise.

   I highly recommend grabbing a copy of this book as it’s chockful of practical help on the topic of burnout. But, I know that if you’re reading a blog on burnout, you might not have the time or luxury to read a whole book. Understandable! If you can’t, then check out Brene Brown’s hour-long podcast with Emily and Amelia to get the Cliff notes version (which is still fabulous).

2. Evaluate and tune up your boundaries

   A major contributor to being overworked can be feeling over-committed. Many of us struggle to say no when we are asked to do things, even if we don’t have the time, energy, or money to do so. And these commitments add up fast. Beyond work there’s the request to attend the birthday party, host the family for the holidays, cover for the colleague who calls out sick, not to mention all the usual parenting, cleaning, cooking, and adulting we already don’t have time for.

   Learning to say “no” may be the key you need to save yourself and make life manageable again. Learning to listen to your body is essential in developing boundaries. Feelings of exhaustion, anger, resentment and dread are all clues that perhaps you have said “yes” when in your heart of hearts, you wanted (or needed) to say “no.” It takes courage to honor our inner voice.

   Warning: this tip is not for the faint of heart—establishing boundaries is hard! No wonder so many of us are burned out. Therapy can help immensely with learning to honor your inner voice and do the hard work of establishing your boundaries.

3. Develop your life outside of work

   Another crucial practice in reducing and preventing burnout is to replenish your soul with life-giving hobbies, relationships, and time spent outside of your responsibilities. I find it fascinating that the word “recreation” can actually be broken down into the words “re-creation.” When we allow ourselves to get lost in gardening, dancing, playing an instrument, doing improv comedy, swimming, or even stamp collecting—whatever floats your boat, including boating!—we are re-created by the joy and playfulness of life.

   You might have heard of “flow state,” which is a state of being where we are in a pleasant flow of doing or creating that we don’t even notice the passing of time. We just feel alive and at peace. This kind of emotional and neurological state of being has so many positive benefits for our mental health. What can you do to get back to being childlike again and explore a flow state?

therapy to help with burnout in tacoma, wa

If you’re suffering from burnout or want help to prevent it, therapy can help. I provide online therapy in WA state to help clients to rebalance their lives, support them to do the difficult work of establishing boundaries, and figure out how to make time for things that bring them joy. If you’d like to see if we are good fit to work together, give me a call at 253-365-0403 for a free 15-min consultation.

Understanding Burnout Symptoms

what are burnout symptoms?

Learn to recognize burnout symptoms and take action.

Likely you’ve heard about “burnout” from friends or colleagues suffering symptoms, news reports, or perhaps you’ve googled the term for yourself. Burnout is becoming increasingly common. In 2021, a study by Indeed found that 52% of participants were suffering from burnout, which is a higher number than pre-pandemic times (Forbes.com).

But was is burnout exactly? According to Verywellmind.com:

Burnout is a reaction to prolonged or chronic job stress and is characterized by three main dimensions: exhaustion, cynicism (less identification with the job), and feelings of reduced professional ability. More simply put, if you feel exhausted, start to hate your job, and begin to feel less capable at work, you are showing signs of burnout.

While burnout used to be associated specifically with workplace stress, THANKFULLY there is growing recognition that people can experience the same negative effects due to the stress of parenting, caregiving, and other types of things.

Here are some tips from a therapist in Tacoma on the signs that you may be dealing with burnout.

So what are some signs that you may be suffering from burnout?

1. An underlying sense of anger, resentment, or cynicism.

This is one of the most common symptoms of burnout that clients mention when they seek out counseling. Increased irritability, more fighting with your spouse, or perhaps feeling a shorter fuse than usual with kids. Maybe you notice that you blow up at the little things you used to shake off, like traffic delays.

A telltale sign of burnout can be a feeling of resentment toward your work or toward the stresses contributing to burnout, like parenting. Much of this irritation can come from a feeling of a lack of control. If you are frustrated at your job from things that you cannot change, like a lack of support from leadership, inability to do your job effectively, or if your workplace clashes with your values system, this can wear you down over time and lead to undercurrents of resentment and anger.

2. Increase of escapist activities like overuse of social media, overeating, drinking to excess, etc.

Do you have trouble coming home from work and binging on too much Netflix and junk food? Are you extremely tired and yet you can’t stop the late-night phone scrolling? Has a drink or two (or more) become a too often used strategy to take the edge off?

This is another very common sign I see with my clients that you may be dealing with burnout— over-indulging in escapist behaviors such as over-eating, overuse of social media. If you notice an over-reliance on these behaviors, especially if you feel unable to curb them, they might be a symptom of a deeper burnout problem.

3. You are starting to experience physical exhaustion, increased illness, or chronic health issues due to stress.

Sadly this is another common sign I see in my clients that indicates burnout, and that is physical health problems. Stress will build up in our bodies if we don’t have an adequate way of releasing it. This can manifest in numerous health problems such as fatigue and exhaustion, poor sleep, gastrointestinal issues, chronic headaches, chronic muscle tension and pain, heart palpitations, panic attacks, adrenal fatigue, depression, anxiety, and having a run-down immune system where you get sick more often.

get help for burnout—therapy tacoma

Don’t suffer alone! Counseling can help. Reach out to a therapist and they can help you assess the causes and symptoms of workplace/life stressors and if you are dealing with burnout, as opposed to anxiety and depression due to other causes. They can help you relieve symptoms in the short-term and find solutions to create a better outlook for you long-term so you’re not dealing with high levels of stress indefinitely.

Looking for Tacoma therapy? I work with women in Tacoma, WA and in WA state who are dealing with burnout. I would love to chat to see if we are a good fit. Call me today for a free 15-min phone consultation to start going from burned out to thriving in life again.

Quick Tip for Recovering People-Pleasers

Do you struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries? (I see that hand 😉). You’re not alone! People-pleasing is a common issue that comes up with many of my clients and is something that I have worked on a lot in my personal life as well.

What is people-pleasing?

One definition of people-pleasing is abandoning one’s self, desires, or needs in order to meet those of another. If this becomes a pattern of behavior, it means that we are chronically ignoring our own needs to try and garner praise or approval from others in an effort to shore up our own sense of well-being. The problem with this is that the approval of others is that it’s like junk food—it fills you up temporarily but leaves you hungry for something more nourishing later. If we are constantly de-prioritizing ourselves, we are going to have a lot of backlogged pain from our minimized needs. We might even find it hard to feel like we “know” ourselves because we are so used to abandoning ourselves and always thinking of others.

Where does people-pleasing come from?

People-pleasing can come from different places. There may be cultural or societal pressures that have celebrated serving others but have not celebrated us balancing our own needs and desires, too. As women, we are often socialized to put the needs of others ahead of our own. This may have been what was normal in our family of origin. Religion can play a role, too. As a Christian, I heard a lot about serving about sacrifice growing up in the church, but I did not also see the message of self-love and boundaries taught as clearly.

For many clients that I see, people-pleasing was a brilliant and resourceful strategy that their child-self picked up in order to figure out how to get their needs met. if it wasn’t safe to voice your needs growing up, or if your parents were not emotionally available or willing/able to meet your needs, you may have stumbled into people-pleasing as a way to get that emotional validation that every kid needs.

Personality can play a role, too. People-pleasing is something that Enneagram 2’s and 9’s can struggle with in particular. (I speak from experience here as a classic 2! 😁)

Resentment can be your helper—no, really!

So that brings us to the quick tip I want to give you today! If you struggle with people-pleasing, you are probably familiar with that feeling of resentment that sets in when you have committed to something that later you realize you never wanted to do. In the moment, it’s so easy to get caught up and acquiesce to the request. If we are long-time people-pleasers, it may feel very difficult in the moment to actually tap into your authentic self to know what you truly want or need. Our emotions are the signposts that let us know what we need and what our capacity is. But if you’re out of touch with your emotions, it may feel difficult in the moment especially to know what you need.

This is where resentment is your helper! Pay attention any time you notice yourself feeling this after you’ve committed to something. Sit with that feeling and let it show you what you wish you actually said, and why.

For example, a friend asks you to let them borrow your truck to move. You agree in the moment, but later feel resentment. As you explore that, you realize you don’t want to let them borrow your truck, because the last time someone did, they brought it back on empty and dirty. Or this is the 4th request for your truck in the past few weeks that you’ve gotten, and you’d actually like a weekend to yourself. Resentment is showing you your legitimate needs here—for respect for you and your possessions, and for rest.

In order to prioritize your needs as much as another person’s, we need to get present to our emotions, let them clue us in on our needs, and then take responsibility to get our needs met by setting boundaries.

So the quick tip is…

So, here’s an exercise I want you to try if you struggle with people-pleasing. When someone asks you to do something, instead of responding in the moment “yes” without thinking, I want you to use this phrase:

“Let me get back to you on that.””

This magic phrase will allow you the space to get quiet with yourself and truly identify your emotions around this request, and then follow those signposts to recognize your needs. When you do this, you can respond much more honestly and avoid the painful and costly feeling of resentment later because you abandoned yourself again.

You may realize after this time to reflect that you want to say no altogether, you want to say yes with parameters, or you realize you really are happy to say yes, and so you do so genuinely.

Now, you will probably notice a lot of discomfort if you try this, especially if it’s new for you. That discomfort is a good thing! You are building your boundary muscles and giving them a good workout. Any time we try something new, it’s going to feel foreign and maybe even “wrong” or “mean”—but you are not being mean by taking steps to actually honor and care for yourself. This will help prevent you from being burnt out, and allow you to have juice in your tank to take care of yourselves and others freely and without resentment.

I recommend you try this exercise wholeheartedly for at least 2 weeks to get the hang of it. Notice what comes up for you and practice sitting with the discomfort of not pleasing people all the time. The more you do it, the easier it will get, and the better you will feel taking care of yourself.

Counseling in tacoma, wa to help you with boundaries

If you’d like some support in learning to prioritize you, set healthier boundaries, and learn to love yourself better, counseling can help! Working with a counselor can help you understand where these patterns come from in your family of origin or background, and how you can replace these strategies with healthier ones so you can avoid burning out or living in resentment. Give me a call today at 253-365-0403 if you’d like to see if we’d be a good fit to help you reach these goals.

Top 5 myths about Christian counseling in Tacoma, WA

Christian counseling in Tacoma, WA

So you’re living in the City of Destiny and looking for Christian counseling in Tacoma, WA.

Or maybe you’re even looking for Christian counseling in Seattle, or Christian counseling in Spokane—this is for you too, thanks to the wonderful world of online video therapy!

But what is Christian counseling, exactly? How is it different than “regular” counseling? And what should you expect if you’re considering starting counseling for the first time? Let me help by debunking 5 of the top myths about Christian counseling in Tacoma, WA.

Myth: Christian counseling is the same as talking to my pastor or church leader.

Talking to your pastor or church leader is AWESOME, and there are many reasons I think this would be beneficial to you. To have their spiritual guidance, their prayers, the support of the church, the empathy and comfort of confiding in another person—and many more benefits. Many pastors offer pastoral counseling and it is great to take advantage of this resource.

I believe that Christian counseling and the pastoral ministries or inner healing ministries offered by churches can work wonderfully as complements to one another. They are not in competition in my book.

There are some differences and benefits to working with a Christian counselor though. For one, a Christian counselor will have been trained with a Master’s degree or higher in psychology. Pastors typically are trained theologically and may not have received a lot of psychological training. Christian counselors will have gone through a rigorous licensure process that requires thousands of hours of counseling and meeting with a supervisor to ensure that they are practicing ethically and expertly within the field. They will have been educated with an eye to the latest research and evidence-based studies about mental health and methods of treatment. And they are required to keep up their education through yearly courses and consultation groups to ensure that they stay up to date in the field.

We are complex beings of spirit, mind, body, and emotions. A Christian counselor can help address your whole personhood and has expertise when it comes to evidence-based psychological methods that can be combined with the care that you receive from your spiritual community to give you the best of both worlds.

Plus, pastors often have many demands on them and may not have time for the intensive and regular meetings that you would benefit from, while a counselor is equipped to meet with you weekly and develop a treatment plan to help you reach your goals.

Many people often appreciate, too, that a counselor is someone outside of your world. They are an objective third party and don’t have any agenda, and it can be nice to have a safe place to confide in who is not involved in your life otherwise and has no expectations on you.

Myth: A Christian counselor will preach at me or shove the Bible down my throat.

Oh man, if this has happened to you, let me be the first to say I am so sorry. This is not what counseling should be. While I am sure there are some bad apples out there, a good Christian counselor will never preach at you, shame you, or ram the Bible down your throat. Their job is to work with you to help you understand your values, beliefs, thinking patterns, and pain points. They can help you see where you are lining up with your faith and where you are feeling out of alignment.

Instead of thinking of a Christian counselor as a Bible police officer, ready to give you a citation if you are out of line, instead, think of a Christian counselor as your biggest cheerleader. They are someone whose main goal is to see you through the eyes of unconditional love. They are here to be a safe place where you can be honest about your struggles and shortcomings and they are not going to think less of you. You can show up as your messiest, rawest self and be met with love. They are going to champion the true you, the beautiful child of God who you are, and help you get to the root of what is driving behaviors or thoughts that are hurting you. They will do this with so much love and compassion and gentleness.

Doesn’t this sound a lot like the love of Christ we are called to show one another? No counselor is perfect, but this kind of kindness, compassion, and honesty is our goal. The last thing you should feel in counseling is shame or judgment.

Myth: Christian counselors only work with Christians.

Not true! Christian counselors work with people from all walks of faith, background, and beliefs. No one is excluded. As a Christian and a counselor, my faith in Jesus is the foundation of my belief that every person is worthy of love and belonging, and every person is deeply beloved by God no matter what. And my faith is also what gives me hope for every client that things can always get better and we are not out here on our own, trying to self-help our way into wholeness. God’s grace is available and present to us all, no matter who you are.

Myth: I wouldn’t have mental health problems if only I could just have enough faith.

I cannot stress this enough: Struggling with depression, anxiety, or any mental health condition does NOT make you a bad Christian. Struggling with mental health does NOT mean you don’t have enough faith. There is a myriad of genetic and environmental factors that contribute to our mental health and can cause symptoms of mental illness.

Things like depression and anxiety are real illnesses that affect our brain and body, and they need treatment just like any other illness you might visit your doctor about. There is no shame in struggling with these things. Many devout, faith-filled, powerhouse Christians have struggled with mental illness such as depression anxiety, schizophrenia, OCD, and more.

Also, let’s be clear: It is not a sin to deal with depression, anxiety, or any other mental illness. God has compassion and wants to help you find healing. Unfortunately, there is still a stigma about mental health in some parts of the Christian community, and a Christian counselor can help you release any false guilt about your struggles, as well as help you get treatment to decrease your symptoms and start feeling better.

Myth: Christian counseling is only for people who have been through serious tragedies or have major problems.

Not true! While Christian counseling can of course be helpful in healing from traumas and tragedies, we all face stress living in our modern world and balancing the demands of work, relationships, self-care, and more. We all have areas of our thinking that have suffered distortions that are causing us pain. We all have gone through hurts and disappointments that can leave us with an emotional limp, or self-medicating in a way we wish we didn’t. Meeting with a counselor can help you have an outside perspective to locate these points of pain or distortion, and address these things before they develop into bigger problems.

You can also think about working with a counselor like working with a personal trainer. It’s a great way to take your emotional and mental health from “good” to “great.” They can help you identify goals of how you want to thrive even more in life and make a plan to get there.

I hope this helps to debunk some myths and help you feel more comfortable when it comes to finding a Christian counselor in Tacoma, WA who is right for you. If you have other questions, feel free to call me at (253)-365-0403 for a free 15-minute phone consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is happening and see if we are a good fit.

I provide Christian counseling in Tacoma, WA but also I can provide online Christian counseling in WA state. So if you are looking for a Christian counselor in Spokane or a Christian counselor in Seattle, feel free to get in touch. If you’d like to see more about how I can help, check out more below.

My #1 tip for making friends as an adult

It’s can be hard to make friends as an adult, am I right? In college, it we are surrounded by sea of peers and have opportunities ripe for the picking between dorms, classes, and a million extra-curriculars. But when you’re in the “real world,” the options are a lot more limited.

And certain factors can make it even harder, like moving away from the town you grew up in, working in a job where you are fairly isolated, demanding life responsibilities that take up your free time, or making lifestyle changes that require you to set some boundaries with your old friends in order to support the habits of a healthier adult. All that ON TOP of Covid-19 social distancing.

NPR did a story about a recent study that found that 3 out of 5 Americans are lonely. This is a big issue I hear from my clients. Many don’t have the social support system they wish they did. And loneliness is correlated with higher instances of anxiety, depression, and even shorter lifespans. It is crucial to well-being that we are able to cultivate loving, vulnerable, and fulfilling friendships.

So, I wanted to share my #1 tip that perhaps you haven’t considered as a tool to making friends as an adult. This has been working wonders for me personally, and maybe it will for you, too.

Drumroll please……

My #1 tip to making friends as an adult is to enroll in interactive classes—about anything!

Now don’t roll your eyes—I’m not talking about Algebra II classes, unless math is your idea of thrilling Friday night. But these days you can take classes on a million fun hobbies or skills that not only would enrich your life, but give you the chance to meet really cool people you wouldn’t have met otherwise.

A few years ago in NC, I started taking adult 101 tennis classes through my local rec department. It was such a blast! I got to get exercise, learn a new sport (which I wish I had started playing years ago, it’s so fun), and I made several friends whom I could get together with on weekends to play tennis and then go have drinks. Everyone in that class was so open to connecting and getting together. Tacoma has cool tennis opportunities, by the way (GTC, Sprinker Center).

This is our hip hop class performing the Backstreet Boys “Everybody”—for one night, all my 90’s hip hop dreams came true and then some. 😜

More recently, in terms of fitness classes, I started taking hip hop dance lessons to fulfill my childhood dreams of being a hip hop star. 😏 That dream is still far off, but I’ve had a blast getting to make new friends there and learning to be more confident and feel good moving my body. Big props to Tacoma Dance Studios and Hip Hop with Tiffany in particular! 10/10 recommend these classes for super friendly people and welcoming to beginners.

Some of my improv pals after our first ever performance. You don’t have to perform publicly in improv if you don’t want to, but it was an incredible rush and an awesome bonding experience for all of us. Doing something way out of your comfort zone is an awesome way to make new friends.

A couple years ago I started taking improv comedy classes (shout-out to Unexpected Productions and Tacoma Improv, Play and Games Meetup). I had always enjoyed watching improv comedy, and I really wanted to feel less “in my head” and more authentically msyelf around people. Improv is nothing like stand-up comedy. You don’t have to be “the funny one” in your group of friends to do it—anyone can do it. It’s about learning to listen, saying yes to ideas, and learning to live in the moment. It’s fantastic and I would recommend it to ANYONE. I was really nervous to try it, but it was addictive once I did! And improve introduced me to so many cool people I could have never met otherwise. Almost everyone who gravitates toward improv is there to become more confident and build relationships, so it’s a great place to make friends with very fun, non-judgmental people.

During quaratine, my class of choice has been a middle grade and young adult writing class. This is a class that meets on Zoom through the Hugo House, and it has the benefit of being 9 months long. So once a week I get to log on and see my writing friends. I’ve enjoyed meeting everyone in the big class, but most of all, I’ve loved our small groups that have given me the chance to get to know 4 other people more in-depthly. It’s the highlight of my week getting to chat stories with these folks, and I appreciate so much how different we are from one another, and yet we have so much in common when we come together over a shared activity.

There’s a million things out there to try. Meetup.com is a great place to find groups who gather over shared hobbies. I recommend trying to find classes that are interactive instead of just asynchronous learning, that way you get that chance to meet people and have real interactions.

Taking a class can give you so many benefits, like:

• It takes the pressure of “small talk” and that awkwardness we all feel in new situations, since we can put the focus on doing the activity and letting the get-to-know talk come naturally.

• Meeting people very different from you whom you wouldn’t have known otherwise

• Revisit childhood pasttimes or dreams you never got to try. (Great way to participate in that inner child work!)

• Give you the chance to LAUGH and not take life so seriously (I know I need this!)

• Introduce you to a new hobby to breath something fresh and spontaneuous into your week

• Extend your web of friends. We need all kinds of friends in our life. Not every has to be a bestie—there’s so much value in friends you can just be goofy with, share a kind word with, or grab coffee outside of class once in a while.

• Help you feel empowered. You are made to be loved and enjoyed in relationships. Sometimes we can get stuck feeling passive and not know how to move forward in making new friends. Taking a class is a concrete action step you can take toward this goal. When you take that step, I believe that energy will come back to you in opportunities to meet people.

Your community of people are out there! You will enrich their lives, and they will enrich yours. These are just a few ideas to get you started—drop more ideas in the comments of classes you’ve taken or want to try in order to meet people!

Frequently asked questions about Christian counseling in Tacoma, WA

So, you’re thinking about finding a Christian counselor in Tacoma, WA, but you have some questions first. Like, maybe a lot of questions!

That’s totally normal! Starting counseling can feel a little scary, and it helps to know what to expect. Here are some of the top FAQs I hear when it comes to starting therapy.

Don’t only “____” kind of people need counseling?

• Thankfully this is changing rapidly, but in the past, going to therapy has had a stigma that it is only for cases of extreme trauma, tragedy, or that it somehow signals that a person is in a crisis if they are in need of therapy. Nothing could be further from the truth! I might be biased, but I think everyone can benefit from being in therapy, and it is not just for “extreme circumstances.” Therapy can help you to have more clarity about what you’re thinking or feeling, be less reactive, feel more capable of coping with stress, feel more seen and valued in your relationships, sleep better at night, handle conflict, and a myriad of other things that all of us could use help with.

• Some clients worry that their therapist might perceive them as “complaining” because clients will sometimes say, “it’s not like I’ve been through a real trauma. I should be able to get it together.” To this, I would reply, often many of us underestimate the trauma we have experienced, and no matter what our life circumstances, we are all worthy of and would benefit from someone taking the time to help us explore our raw and honest emotions in a safe and compassionate space.

• Also, therapy can help to prevent problems before they get worse, and help you optimize your mental, emotional, and relational health. Just like you might decide to work with a personal trainer to take your physical health to the next level, therapy can help you thrive and go from “good” to “great,” in addition to helping you heal when times are tough.

  What do you talk about in counseling? I’m afraid I won’t have enough to say!

• I hear this a lot! Don’t worry, as you get started, you’ll find you have more to say than you might think. The first and second sessions are usually for the purpose of a lot of information gathering. Your therapist will ask you questions to understand your background and the current symptoms or pain points you want to work on. Together, the two of you will set goals and create a treatment plan, which will be your roadmap in therapy. This will help ensure you always have things to talk about because you and your counselor will be working on specific things and moving toward tangible change.

  When it comes to using my insurance, what is the difference between “in-network” and “out-of-network” providers?

• In-network means that the provider has a contract with your particular insurance company. The therapist can bill your insurance directly for sessions and you might be able to pay a copay for sessions (though you still may have a deductible to meet). Out-of-network means that you still may be able to use your insurance, but in a different way. Instead of billing the insurance company, the therapist will bill you for the full cost of the session, and then can provide you a document called a “superbill.” You can submit this to your insurance company and depending on your plan, you may be eligible to be reimbursed for part of the session. The rate of reimbursement will depend on your particular insurance plan. In some cases, you can be reimbursed for more than half of the rate, sometimes less. Call your insurance company to understand your out-of-network coverage for mental health. Exploring out-of-network providers gives you more choices about who you can work with so you can find the best fit for you.

  is telehealth (online video sessions) as effective as in-person?

• Actually, yes! According to this article published by the American Psychological Association,

  • “What we’ve seen is that telehealth is essentially just as effective as face-to-face psychotherapy—and retention rates are higher,” says David Mohr, PhD, director of the Center for Behavioral Intervention Technologies at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine, who has spent his career studying telepsychology and digital mental health.

• In addition, online video sessions give you more choices as a client, since you can work any therapist licensed in WA state. Plus, no commuting, no parking issues, and more accessibility to mental health care for you the client.

  Do I have to be a Christian to see a Christian counselor?

• No! Speaking for myself, I work with clients across a wide range of spiritual beliefs and practices. I like to include a client’s spiritual beliefs in the therapy process when it would be a positive resource to clients, to help them connect to hope, comfort, and meaning. Personally, my journey has been in the realm of Christian spirituality, and so I have specialized expertise I can offer to clients who share that background. But my goal is to support people with diverse beliefs in a way that fits within their own worldview.

  What if I feel like I’m not making progress in therapy?

• I would strongly urge you to have an honest conversation with your therapist in that case. I know it can feel scary to bring that up. Some clients have fears of not wanting to hurt their therapist’s feelings, or maybe you like your counselor and want to please them, so you give the impression that things are working more than they are. As you can see, this may connect to the reasons we come to therapy in the first place! And so, even more reason to push yourself to be honest about this. Together, the two of you can address your concerns and change the treatment plan and method to help you get better results. It is a normal thing to take time regularly to reflect on the process, note what is working and what isn’t, and make course corrections.

• If you have tried this and things still aren’t working out, it’s ok to end the relationship and seek out a new therapist. Maybe you would benefit from a different style or approach. It’s best to honest about this too with your current therapist and they may be able to make referrals to you to help you find someone who would be a better fit. This is a common and normal thing, so don’t let it discourage you about therapy overall. Just like dating, it can often take meeting multiple people to find someone who seems like a good match.

I hope this helps to answer some of your questions about finding a therapist in Tacoma, WA. If I can help you with other questions you may have about the therapy process, feel free to call me at (253) 365-0403 for a free 15-minute phone consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is happening and help direct you to the right person. If you are looking for Christian counseling, you can read more about how I can help here.