Ask a Tacoma Therapist: Is Imposter Syndrome A Confidence Problem?
If you’ve ever been praised for something and immediately thought, “If they really knew me, they wouldn’t say that,” you’re not alone.
If you’ve ever reached a milestone and felt anxiety instead of pride…
If you’ve ever stayed up late rechecking something you already did well…
If you’ve ever felt like success increased the pressure instead of easing it…
Then you’ve probably experienced imposter syndrome.
Imposter syndrome disproportionately affects high-achieving women, especially women who are thoughtful, capable, and deeply committed to doing things well. As a therapist in Tacoma working primarily with professional women, I hear some version of this almost every week. On paper, everything looks impressive, but internally, there is self-doubt. A quiet fear of being exposed. A sense of “I have to keep proving myself.”
But what I’d like to suggest to you is that imposter syndrome is usually not a confidence problem, but rather a nervous system response to visibility.
What Is Imposter Syndrome?
Imposter syndrome was first identified in 1978 by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes while studying high-achieving women. Originally called the Imposter Phenomenon, it describes persistent self-doubt despite clear evidence of competence.
Common signs include:
Discounting accomplishments
Attributing success to luck or timing
Over-preparing or overworking
Anxiety after praise
Fear of being “found out”
Difficulty fully receiving positive feedback
Research suggests that up to 70 percent of people experience imposter syndrome at some point. It tends to show up most strongly in women navigating leadership, professional growth, entrepreneurship, or high-responsibility roles. It also shows up in our personal lives, such as in parenting or relationships.
Even Maya Angelou, who published 11 books, won multiple Grammys, and was a Pulitzer-prize winning poet suffered from imposter syndrome. She once said:
“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, uh oh, they’re going to find out now.”
Extraordinary accomplishment does not automatically quiet self-doubt. Countless women who have experienced undisputed success in all walks of life can still quietly suffer from it.
Because imposter syndrome isn’t about being good enough, but is a response to threat of visibility. And often the more successful you are, the visibility you experience.
Why Imposter Syndrome Disproportionately Affects Women
Imposter syndrome does not develop in isolation. Many women grow up absorbing subtle and not-so-subtle messages:
America Ferrara’s monologue from the Barbie Movie is an excellent example of the pressure on women and why imposter syndrome affects us disproportionately
Be capable, but do not intimidate
Be confident, but stay likable
Achieve, but do not take up too much space
Over time, these messages settle into the nervous system.
Layer in workplace inequities, underrepresentation in leadership, and heightened scrutiny around mistakes, and your body begins to associate visibility with risk.
From a biological standpoint, your nervous system prioritizes safety over accuracy. It is not primarily concerned with whether you are competent. It is scanning for threat.
If being seen once led to criticism…
If standing out created pressure…
If praise was followed by higher expectations…
Your body remembers these experiences, even if your adult mind knows you earned your success. Which is why mindset work alone, and simply trying to “think more highly of yourself,” often does not resolve imposter syndrome.
Why “Just Be More Confident” Does Not Work
You can logically know:
You are qualified
You worked hard
You earned your position
You are doing your best
And still feel:
Tightness in your chest before speaking
An urge to overwork after being recognized
Anxiety when your name is called
A need to prove yourself again
Negative comparison when you stack yourself up to others
Nagging self-doubt that never fully goes away
Imposter syndrome is rarely just a thinking error. More deeply, it’s part of a protective nervous system pattern.
The body says:
“If I stay vigilant, I will stay safe.”
“If I do not relax, I will not be exposed.”
“If I brace, I will not be blindsided.”
Previously, that vigilance likely helped you succeed up to a point. But now it just tortures you, robbing your peace and chipping away at your confidence and allowing yourself to be seen.
A Nervous System Lens on Imposter Syndrome
Clinically, imposter syndrome is often described as a fear of exposure. We are afraid to be fully seen and evaluated. From a nervous system perspective, the question underneath is simpler: “Is it safe for me to be visible here?”
You may be more likely to experience imposter syndrome if you have certain types of attachment trauma from growing up, such as:
If love or approval felt tied to performance…
If mistakes carried emotional consequences…
If attention meant pressure rather than celebration…
You also are more likely to experience imposter syndome if:
You are a minority
You have a trauma history where hyper-vigilance kept you safe
You work in a male-dominated field
When we recognize this, we can also see that imposter syndrome is not a character flaw. It is adaptive learning to true threats you’ve experienced. Along the way, your nervous system learned, “Staying small feels safer than being seen.”
Five Nervous System Patterns I See in Women With Imposter Syndrome
Here are five patterns I often see in therapy with women navigating imposter syndrome. Perhaps you see yourself in one or multiple of these patterns.
1. The Hyper-Vigilant Achiever
She succeeds by staying one step ahead.
She double-checks everything.
She anticipates problems.
She rarely feels fully finished.
Relaxation feels vulnerable.
Letting down her guard feels risky.
2. The Performance-Anchored Woman
Her sense of stability is tied to output.
If she performs well, she feels temporarily grounded.
If she stumbles, her confidence drops quickly.
Praise brings relief, but also brings pressure.
3. The Invisible Competent One
She is deeply capable but minimizes herself.
She avoids the spotlight.
She downplays her strengths.
She deflects recognition.
Staying small feels safer than being evaluated.
4. The Shame-Sensitive Leader
She may be in leadership, yet mistakes feel disproportionately heavy.
Negative feedback lingers.
Conversations replay at night.
Small missteps feel amplified internally.
Her nervous system reacts strongly to evaluation.
5. The Attachment-Driven Overfunctioner
She learned early that stability came from being responsible or impressive.
She anticipates needs.
She overextends.
She rarely asks for help.
Success does not feel celebratory, but necessary.
These patterns are not personality defects. They are survival strategies that once made sense. The only problem is, these strategies are holding you back, and you’re not sure what to do to change it.
How Brainspotting Therapy Can Help
Because imposter syndrome often lives in the nervous system, approaches that work directly with the body can be especially effective. Brainspotting therapy is a trauma-informed, brain-and-body-based method that helps process stored survival responses rather than only reframing thoughts.
Brainspotting is grounded in the understanding that:
Emotional learning is stored in deeper brain regions
Survival responses can persist long after they are needed
Eye position can help access neural networks connected to unresolved experiences
In sessions, we work with the physical sensations and emotions that come up for you related to visibility, performance, evaluation, and success. We are not trying to convince you that you are competent. We are helping your nervous system release the high-attunement to threat that formed around being seen.
In my therapy practice in Tacoma, women often begin to notice:
Less anxiety before presentations
A greater ability to receive praise
Reduced perfectionism
More sustainable ambition
A steadier sense of self-trust
More peace and self-assuredness in their parenting and relationships
More willingness to “put themselves out there”
Brainspotting therapy in Tacoma can be particularly supportive for women who feel stuck in high-achieving survival mode. Confidence begins to feel less like something you manufacture and more like something that naturally emerges.
Gentle Ways to Begin Shifting Imposter Syndrome
You do not have to overhaul your personality to begin shifting this pattern. You can start in small ways, such as":
1. Separate Feelings From Facts
The feeling of being a fraud is not proof that you are one.
Start labeling the physical sensations and emotions as “imposter syndrome” when they rise up.
2. Notice When Visibility Activates You
Pay attention to moments such as:
Sending a proposal
Receiving public praise
Being promoted
Speaking in a meeting
What comes up in groups of other parents
Feelings and sensations when scrolling social media
Notice what happens in your body without judging it. Just observe how visibility, success, and comparison may be triggering a protective response inside of you.
3. Practice Letting Success Land
When someone compliments you, pause.
Take one full breath before responding.
Consider just saying, “Thank you,” instead of deflecting or discounting.
Let your nervous system register the experience of being seen without immediate correction or deflection.
Over time, notice how this shifts as you make this a habit.
When to Consider Therapy for Imposter Syndrome
You might consider working with a brainspotting therapist in Tacoma, WA if:
Self-doubt is limiting opportunities
Overworking feels compulsive
Praise consistently feels uncomfortable
You struggle to enjoy your accomplishments
Perfectionism is affecting your health or relationships
Therapy is not about trying harder. It is about helping your nervous system feel safe enough to inhabit the success you already earned. If you are seeking therapy in Tacoma for imposter syndrome, working with a Tacoma therapist trained in nervous system approaches can make a meaningful difference.
You Do Not Need to Fix Yourself
Imposter syndrome does not mean you are behind, broken, or secretly incapable.
It often means your nervous system learned strategies that helped you survive and succeed. Those strategies may no longer be necessary in the same way.
You do not have to outperform your nervous system. You can learn to feel safe being seen.
About the Author
Kate Hagborg, LMHC is a certified brainspotting therapist in Tacoma, WA. She offers sessions in-person therapy sessions in Tacoma, WA, or virtual therapy sessions in WA state.
I integrate brainspotting and somatic work with a trauma-informed, relational, and spiritually-sensitive lens. You can learn more about my approach here. My other specialities include anxiety, burnout, codependency, and people-pleasing.
If you're curious about brainspotting therapy in Tacoma, WA, I invite you to reach out for a free 15-minute consultation. I’d love to talk with you about whether this approach might be a good fit for your healing journey.